He's home:)

Home

After a harrowing ride home from The Children's Institute, Ian made it home...finally. He was wide awake all day long. Larissa noticed his alertness even last night, and we're convinced he was comprehending what we had been telling him for days, that he was coming home. He was looking at us today like we hadn't seen him do in a while. His alertness continued when he was here at home. He got to see his home for the first time since the wreck 7 months ago today. We got to sit outside on our new patio enjoying the beautiful weather. He watched TV in the family room (a special on PBS about the Mormons), and he seemed to really be paying attention.

Mary and I klutzed around with his feeding, with his meds, and with transferring him in and out of his wheelchair. Round-the-clock attendant care was approved, but the staffing hasn't happened yet. It's started, but there's a long way to go to get full coverage. Until that happens we'll continue to klutz.

It's good to have him home. It's good to know he's going to wake up tomorrow in familiar surroundings and with familiar people.

Please keep praying for Ian to wake up.

Steve

P.S. This is a picture of where we started. Ian is sleeping just about where the wheelbarrow is in the picture.

Tomorrow

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us."*

Everything thing we need. I was thinking about this verse this morning, and I thought it was applicable to yesterday's post.

God gives us a waterfall (or a flood) but he doesn't leave us to gasp and fight for breath on our own. He gives us everything we need to endure the downpour. Everything we need through the knowledge of him.

No matter how hard the waterfall, I know God is good. God promised that the difficult situation will work out for Ian's and our benefit, like a painful shot that protects against sickness.**

When it seems like I can't trust him, I look at what I know. That's where I find that I have everything I need to praise God through what seems like a bleak circumstance.

Ian's coming home tomorrow. Pray that he won't need the handicap-accessible room when he gets here.

Thanks for praying, everyone. God loves it when we realize our need to ask him for things.

Thank you,

-Ben

*(2 Peter 1:3)

**(Rom 8:28, 1 Cor 4:17)

No purpose of God's can be thwarted

I can't imagine Job's experience. It's recorded for us, of course, but I can't really imagine it. What we're experiencing with Ian doesn't come close to what he experienced, but it is a taste. Ongoing difficulties like this feel like being pinned under a waterfall that doesn't stop. The pressure and the churning are constant. On bad days you feel like you're trying to catch your breath from the sadness and difficulty of it all. The difficulty doesn't have to be as intense and multifaceted as Job's for the experience to be the same. We think we shouldn't feel we're caught up in or weakened by the churning of the waterfall, but it seems to be a common experience to those in ongoing difficulties.

The natural temptation is to "contend with the Almighty" as a faultfinder (Job 40:2), to wonder whether this God in whom we've placed our trust really is good or not or whether He's really in control or not. I've felt that temptation. I want to learn from Job, though, who had more reason than me to question God. I want to learn what he learned as a result of his terrible experience: "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." Job learned to humble himself and submit himself to the sovereign hand of God in both the bad and the good experiences.

Remembering that no purpose of God's can ever be thwarted doesn't make the waterfall stop, but it does help me keep our troubles in perspective. Things aren't out of control; God is very much in the waterfall. I don't know why He's allowed all this, but I know He's in control.

Remembering this also drives me back to the One who is in control of the waterfall. I know that He wants to give me the best: Himself. He wants me to experience His help. I'm so grateful for the kindness and help of our church and even of people I've never met (and may never meet). It really is a huge help to have people helping us; it gives me a taste of God's attentive care for us. But, I recognize that my Father in heaven is the only One who ultimately can help me, and I need to regularly ask Him to sustain me and lean on Him moment by moment.

Thank you for praying for us and for Ian.

Steve

He's coming home

The addition is done. The sidewalk is in. The driveway was dug out today, and it will have rocks on it to get the van back to the sidewalk. He has a bed and all of his equipment in his new room. He has the beginnings of some nursing care. The time has been set for his departure from The Children's Institute.

He's coming home.

It took an army:

102 people from our church helped in some way....

...and friends of friends who volunteered...

...and contractors who volunteered time...

...and businesses who donated materials and other anonymous donors...

...and contractors and businesses who moved us up on their schedules...

...and businesses who gave us discounts...

...and nurses and doctors and therapists and social workers and case managers and hospitals...

...and so many who have been praying faithfully.

He's alive, but he's still in a coma and hasn't made much progress over the last weeks. That's confusing, I'm sure - especially if you see him. He looks like Ian, and his eyes could be open. He could be moving around and showing some signs of the old Ian. But his brain has sustained a significant injury, and we don't know what tomorrow will hold. He could wake up tomorrow. He could gradually wake up. The reason we're bringing him home is to expose him to surroundings that would be familiar to him and to people who love him and who want him to come back from wherever he is.

If you see or visit him, here are some tips:

• Don't talk down to him like he's a little child. Talk to him like the Ian you remember.
• Don't talk to us in front of him as if he can't hear you. It's likely that he can hear and understand you, so assume that he can.
• As awkward as it could be for you, do your best to overcome that awkwardness and act naturally. We're hoping you will, because that's what will help him most.
• One evidence of his injury is his inability to talk, so don't expect him to respond to you.
• Pray for him. I know that he would appreciate it.

Steve

Almost Home

Ian's hospital stay is so close to being over. He's coming home on Monday which happens to be the 30th- exactly seven months to the day since his accident. I have such a weird emotional response to him coming home because thinking about the end of his time in a hospital reminds me of the beginning, and all of the places that we've been. All of the meetings with doctors, case workers, and therapists. All the nights slept in the ICU waiting room, all of the creepy trips through Wilkinsburg to get to LifeCare, and all of the hours spent on 286 getting to Children's. We are so thrilled to have him home. He can sit around the dinner table with us, hear Lydia laughing and screaming, come outside with us, and come to church with us.

I never thought that Ian would still be in a coma when he came home, but then again, after the first few days in the hospital we didn't think he'd come home again at all. Praise God for all of the countless miracles He has performed in Ian's life. Ian is still with us! God is forever true to His promises and, as Charles Spurgeon says so well, God would sooner cease to be than cease to be faithful.

We are bringing Ian home with or without the driveway. Please pray that the driveway would be completed soon however, to make transportation more convenient. The agency we are hoping to use seems to really be working on getting the amount of staffing together that we need. They are tentatively going to hire a family friend, Frank, to be a full-time worker with Ian. Please continue to pray that funding and staffing would be approved for 24/7 care.

Thank you for faithfully praying with us for seven months

I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

-Matt Redman

Larissa

No driveway yet

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

- Horatio Spafford -

One day my faith will be sight, and I will see the Lord. I long for that day.

Steve

P.S. The driveway is not in, yet. We're waiting for the weather to cooperate and for the paving company. Ian's equipment arrives on Friday anyway. Pray that he can come home on time. Pray that Ian wakes up.

The future or things that are now

No power below or above

Can make You Your purpose forego

Or sever my soul from Your love

~~~~

Today was one of those days where I wanted to tell God that the plan that I had for my future was better than what we're experiencing now. We sang the song above, Debtor to Mercy Alone, at our church's college group and these few verses were what I needed to be reminded of. Nothing can make God's purpose forego, even comas, and there is a great purpose in this trial. And nothing, even my sinful thoughts, can separate our souls from His love.

~

My sins of pride and disbelief today are worthy of sending me to hell. Just those few uncontrolled thoughts. But because Jesus died on the cross for my sins, these sinful thoughts are forgiven. God provides lavish grace to believe true things about Him.

~

The sidewalk was completed today. Please pray that the paving company would begin the driveway soon so that Ian can come home on Monday. If all goes as planned, only five days until Ian's seven months in a hospital are over. But as we've learned several times through this, the heart of man plans his ways but the Lord establishes his steps (Prov. 16:9)

~Trusting God~

Larissa

Sidewalk progressing

"...which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life (Matt 26:28)?" I can't add one hour to my span of life whether I'm anxious or not. That's the answer to this question. I don't control my life; it's in the hands of the One who cares for me. Lord, help me to remain at rest in my Father's care.

The sidewalk around Ian's room should be finished tomorrow. In the foreground of this picture is where a small patio area will be so we can sit outside under the shade or in the sun. We're looking forward to Ian coming home.

For prayer, please remember the issue of the attendant care (we're asking for 24/7 coverage); it still hasn't been resolved. Also, we're praying that the weather holds and that we remain a priority for the paving company to put a driveway in to get Ian and all of his equipment to his room. Pray for strength for us. Pray that Ian would wake up.

Mary went to see Ian today, and he seemed as alert as we've seen him. She had another session of training in how to care for Ian's needs.

Pray for Ian.

Steve

Great are His Works

Ian had both of his eyes open for awhile today when we were oustide enjoying this gorgeous weather! He was very active in his chair and most of that was from discomfort I think. He had been in the chair for awhile already in the morning and probably just wanted to stay in bed. He was really moving his leg and his arms around though. He reached for me a few times and grabbed my shirt- he either wanted a hug or wanted to communicate something with me. I've been encouraged lately by just the blessing that when Ian looks at us, he is really looking. It's not an empty stare like it can be with coma patients. Just one look in his eyes and he gives you a good taste of what he's thinking about. Sometimes in speech therapy he gets a look like he wants to punch Val, and then other times it's like you can see him smiling in his eyes. It's great to see emotions.

"Praise the Lord. I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation. Great are the works of the LORD, studied by all who delight in them. Full of splendor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and merciful."
Psalm 111:1-4

On the way home from the hospital today, a Chris Tomlin song was on the radio that sings about the greatness of our God and His worthiness to be praised. I was reminded of and encouraged by the thought that everything that God does is great. What excitement that should instill in me! The works of the Lord are great and all that He does is "full of splendor and majesty." Even if I can't always see it now, Ian's situation is great. It is ordained by God and is His work-therefore it is full of splendor and majesty. There is no work that is mediocre with God and God will never look back and say, "well, maybe I should've handled that situation with Ian differently." Greatness is His nature. What a blessing to be on the receiving end of that greatness.

Larissa

Sidewalk to begin

We got word today that the sidewalk is to begin on Monday. The weather seems to be cooperating. The sidewalk is to go completely around the addition. Since their forming and pouring a sidewalk anyway, we asked them to add in a small patio area, so we can sit outside with Ian.

Once the sidewalk goes in, the paving company will come in to do the driveway; they'll pave right up to the sidewalk. The guy that will be doing the sidewalk made an interesting comment after discussing all these plans with us. He said, "You think your yard is torn up now! Wait till this is done."

For all this effort, I want very much to see on the other side of the fence that is the future, because I think somehow that will comfort me. I can't see, though, and I know that no matter what the outcome of all this is only God can comfort me. I have to keep myself focused on the next step the Lord gives me and keep walking looking to the Lord and His Word for help.

Thank you to so many I don't even know who are praying for Ian. I know you're there, because I occasionally meet someone for the first time who tells me they're praying for Ian. That affects us deeply. Thank you!!!

Steve

Romans 5:8

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now...*

They want to discharge Ian and have him home by the 30th. However, he may not be approved to have 24-hour nursing care by then (it usually takes a while to get approved). This means my parents (who have been getting training) need to take care of him between the time he comes home and the time he is approved for around-the-clock care. This is not out of the question, but it will be really hard for them. Please pray to God that he will provide another way, such as getting the nursing care approved by the 30th.

Thank you so much for praying. God is good, and this is a small need compared to what he's already done for us.

-Ben

*(Phil 1:2-5)

Silent

Prior to this experience with Ian, I had never experienced any serious trial like so many people I know. I've had my difficulties but never anything close to this. Trials like this, I had heard, elicit lots of questions that can call God's character into question. I know now what a strong temptation it is to acknowledge and think about those questions. I've discovered that I can't allow those argumentative questions to have a place in my thoughts; God remains silent in those debates anyway. He doesn't explain himself, and He isn't required to defend His actions. Job in chapter 40, verses 4 and 5, recognized the inappropriateness of his arguments with God when he said, "Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth. I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further."

It's just all so unbelievable. I remember when I took this picture of Ian and Lydia that Easter day; he was just with us. His condition is so shocking. We're so grieved. It's so tempting to challenge the actions of the Almighty, but how ridiculous that would be to do it. He is silent about His reasons.

But, there are some things about which He has not been silent. He has spoken loudly and clearly. He will never let the guilty go unpunished, and I am as guilty as anyone of rebellion against Him. But he has already punished me - and Ian - by punishing Christ on the cross, so I go free. By doing that to His own Son, it's as though He shouted at the top His lungs that He favors me. How can I argue or complain about any bad thing that happens to me? "I lay my hand on my mouth" and remain silent.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

-Horatio Spafford -

Pray for Ian.

Steve

Heaven

Then one of the elders addressed me, saying, "Who are these, clothed in white robes, and from where have they come?" I said to him, "Sir, you know." And he said to me, "These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

"Therefore they are before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence. They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water,and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Revelation 7:13-17

It's God's beautiful design that in suffering our longing for heaven is increased. Before Ian's accident, I was secure in my life on earth. I was secure thinking that not only had I met the man who God designed for me to marry but that he loved me in return. I had never suffered through any significant trials. I was in love with my life on earth, and had no perception of heaven and no longing for heaven in my heart. Not that I have an exact understanding of heaven now, but these past few months have made me long to be with the Lord. And I don't think that's a bad thing. If it steals me of my joy here on earth and if I can't see any good in why I'm here, then yes, it's bad. But it is good to desire to forever be with the Lord, to long to sin no more, and to long for our new heavenly bodies.

I know that many of you who read this blog are going through huge trials in your lives. Keep looking to heaven and know that we are but dust. These trials will end and one day we will be with our Lord.

Thank you for praying for Ian. He has been opening his eyes more often over the past few days. He has been awake off and on today. Right now we're watching Clifford- one of his favorite movies. Hopefully it's bringing back some of his hilarious memories. Our new discharge date is April 30. I heard from one source today that there is no longer any infection in his right eye, but it still seems to be a little bit sensitive. God is answering our prayers!

Larissa

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in Him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers, and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."

-John 15:5-7

Happy 22nd Birthday, Ian!

For those who are weary

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

In 14 days it will 7 months since Ian's accident. 7 Months, 212 days, 5,088 hours, 305,280 minutes...That's a long time.

So what are we to make of this? We've prayed that Ian would be healed and he hasn't.

Sadly, my prayer life has reflected how I've interpreted this. I've found instead of praying for Ian, I've just felt sad for Ian. I've slipped into a prayerless-hopelessness. Why has this happened? Though I'd never verbalize it, my actions are saying, "Well, God promised that he would answer my prayers. I prayed, and he didn't answer. God has lied."

And to that, our loving, holy Father would say very loudly, "God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" Numbers 23:19.

God promises and God answers! Not one promise has Jesus made that he hasn't fulfilled. And Jesus promised that if we ask of our Father, he will answer us.

Ask. Seek. Knock.

Think of it this way. Imagine a little boy who needs something of his father.

If his dad is standing right beside him, the boy just looks up and simply asks his dad for whatever he needs.

If the boy comes into the house, and his dad isn't standing right there, the boy calls out: "Dad, where are you?" And then the boy begins to search the house, seeking his dad, until he finds him. No matter how long it takes. He may have to look in the garage, the attic, the shed, the bedrooms...He may have to search the entire house. But he knows his father is home...

If the father is in the study with the door shut, the boy knocks until the dad answers. And when the father lovingly says, "Come in." The boy boldly opens the door and asks for whatever he needs.

It may seem like our Father is no where to be found. But he says, "Seek me my beloved sons and daughters, and you'll find me." It may seem like God is behind a brass door. But he says, "I hear and answer the faintest of knocks."

Our Father loves it when we pray!

"Ask - receive. Seek - find. Knock - the door will be opened." We have every reason to keep lifting up hope-filled prayers for our friend Ian.

We've been seeking for 7 months and haven't found yet...we've been knocking for 212 days and we haven't seen the door opened. But God has promised! He's our father, we're his children.

Today is Ian's 22nd birthday. Let's give him the gift of our prayers! Today, by the grace of God, let's resolve to pray all the harder for Ian's complete healing. Let's keep asking, seeking, and knocking!

Consider the lillies

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? [27] And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? [28] And why are you anxious about clothing? Con sider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, [29] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. [30] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"

- Matthew 6:26-30 -

Flowers just grow and bloom beautifully for the glory of God, and then they die. Their existence is effortless and anxiety-free. There's no struggle with anxiety (or, rather, sinful unbelief) for a flower. There's no struggle with any other sin for that matter. But, then, they can't know and appreciate the mercy of God nor any other aspect of the glorious character of God. We get to see that and appreciate it for all of eternity because of what He did for us on the cross. For some reason, He counts as having more value than flowers.

God displays something of His glory in a flower. God clothes the flowers and the grass and the birds; it isn't Mother Nature. God clothes and upholds the universe. And, I'm of more value than those other things that He clothes. Ian is of more value than those things. Will he not much more care for Ian? That question penetrates my conscience and correctly charges me with unbelief. Help me, Lord, to know for certain every moment that you are there and that you are caring for Ian.

We were with Ian today learning more about how to care for his physical needs. We will need the Lord's strength to care for these needs of Ian's when he comes home. Pray for us. Pray for his eye which continues to be a problem. Pray that he wakes up.

Pray for Ian.

Steve

Opening Gifts

Ian had his eyes open when I got to the hospital this morning, which right away was exciting. It had been a few days since I'd seen him open his eyes. He was really angry and uncomfortable though because he had his casts on and they really bother him sometimes. When he has his casts on, he can't reach his face, especially his eyes, so that seems to frustrate him. Since we were with him I took his casts off. That way, we could grab his hand if he was going for his eye. That's when the fun stuff started happening.

My parents came for the day and brought Ian an early birthday gift. It was in a little gift bag so I put Ian's hand on the bag and told him to take his gift out. So first he pulled all of the tissue paper out. Then I put his hand in the bag and told him to pull the gift out. And he did! He grabbed the DVD and pulled it out. Then he went back into the bag and found the box of golf balls that were at the very bottom and pulled those out too. Then I showed him his card and ripped it a little bit to give him a start. He kept pulling the paper that he could feel. He eventually opened the envelope and then actually grabbed the card and pulled it out. My mom and I were just laughing the whole time, almost in disbelief because it seemed like he knew exactly what he was doing. It was so exciting to see him do something so functional!

He was very aware of us today too. He would often reach for our hands. He reached for my arm a few times and pushed my sleeves up. Then he would feel his way up my arm to my shoulder and then pull my shoulder toward him like he wanted a hug. Then when he was done giving me a hug, he wasn't shy to just push me away. One time he basically choked me by pushing me away, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know he was choking me:)

I know it's probably really confusing to hear about all the things that Ian does but then hear that he's still in a coma. I definitely didn't understand comas until Ian. It's not like what we see in the movies, where someone in a coma just sleeps all the time. He definitely sleeps more than us but he is awake too. When he's awake, he can hear us and seems to be aware of what's going on around him. We've heard that being in a coma is like being in a tub of vaseline- anything you do takes a million times more effort than it should. I tend to think of it like he can hear us and know what's going on, but just hasn't made the connection yet of how to respond. It's like he just has to discover and re-learn everything again. And he will always be on the coma scale, just like us. He's at a 3, we're at an 8. He goes up on the scale as he gains function.

Wow, I hope that last paragraph made sense!

Thank you for your faithful prayers.

Laris

Riveted to Scripture

We continue to pray for the infection in Ian's eye. They put a patch over the right eye, the one that's infected, just so he won't rub it and make it worse. The installation of the sidewalk and driveway has still not begun because of the weather. Apart from those two major things, there are smaller things that need to be finished up, though he could move in if he could get into it.

In a conference message, David Powlison used an analogy that helps me understand what I have to do as I walk through these difficult days with Ian. He said that our worst experiences of suffering and difficulty have to be riveted to Scripture.

Rivets secure two pieces of metal together that then form a functional unit. The only picture I have of riveting is when gutters and downspouts are riveted together. When one is riveted and sealed to another, they maintain their shape and hang together, and water flows where it's supposed to flow.

If I fail to understand my circumstances in light of Scripture and to embrace the truth of Scripture, I'm going to be anxious and in despair. That's where my thoughts and emotions naturally go, though. My thoughts that would naturally lead me into self-pity and anxiety need to be directed upward to God who has been merciful to me, a sinner, and riveted to the truth of Scripture that God is still in control. I'm called to focus moment by moment on the One who will help me. I'm called not to worry about tomorrow. If I can daily remind myself of the truth of Scripture, I will not only be strengthened, I might actually be a channel for God's grace to flow to others. How hard it is to reign in my thoughts and emotions! I'm noticing that's a common theme now in our posts, but how crucial it is. Help me, Lord.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

- How Firm a Foundation -

Steve

Casting

Ian kept his eyes closed today. I could tell he was awake at times, but just wasn’t opening his eyes. His right eye is very red- redder than I’ve ever seen it I think. Please keep praying that God would heal the infection in his eye and prevent it from spreading.

His nurse said that he was being pretty feisty this morning. He kept pushing her hand away when she was trying to brush his teeth. In speech today Val was putting some things in his mouth but he kept pushing her hand away too. He’s much more oriented to his body so that when he wants to push someone away, he finds their hand almost immediately.

Tonight while I was praying with Ian, I started feeling very anxious, even in my prayers. I want so badly for him to just wake up. Sometimes that fact that I know God can heal him with one breath makes it even more frustrating! I just want to say “come on God, just do it! I know you can!” But just because I know that God is able, doesn’t mean that He has to. Just because we have faith that He can, doesn’t mean that He is going to. He will do what is perfect for us, in His perfect timing.

I knew in my anxiousness that I was not trusting God. He commands us not to worry and I need to obey Him. So I sat down in the chair next to Ian’s bed and decided that I should probably start learning what it means to “cast your cares on the Lord.” (Psalm 55:21-23) My anxiousness about when Ian will wake does not glorify God or change the situation. I found it most helpful in those few minutes to just close my eyes and try to focus on the cross. To let go of the worries about tomorrow and try to delight in what God has already accomplished for me through Jesus' blood. Changing my thought pattern in that moment was not in my own doing or strength- on my own, I would’ve left the hospital feeling pretty discouraged. But God graciously reveals sin to us and provides a way out.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
-How Firm a Foundation

Thank you all for praying

Laris

The important thing

My parents were at the Children's Institute (where Ian is) all day learning how to conduct therapy for Ian. As soon as we can get the driveway ready for him he can come home, and we need to be prepared to take care of him.

Regarding Jesus, as he hung on a cross...
"to us, sensations such as our Lord endured would have been insupportable, and kind unconscious would have come to our rescue; but in his case, he was wounded, he felt the sword; he drained the cup and tasted every drop." -C.H. Spurgeon

Jesus experienced pain so that our pain - Ian's pain - would be temporary (2 Cor 4:14-18, "slight momentary affliction").
There's nothing greater than knowing that hard times are overshadowed (or, more accurately, made negligible) by the fact that what we need most has already been provided for:

"For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins..."
(1 Corinthians 15:3).

Pray big things to our God who has done the big thing already.
Pray that Ian would be healed.

But most importantly, pray that we would recognize God as he really is, however that may best be done.

Thanks,
-Ben

"Our soul waits for the Lord...

...he is our help and our shield." That's from Ps 33:20. Donna reminded me of this verse tonight. That's exactly where we need to be with all that's happening around us:

• Ian is in a coma (Frank noticed that Ian followed him with his head and his eyes from one side of the bed to the other and that he seems more agitated than the last time he saw Ian).
• To get him home and get him into familiar surroundings we need good weather to get a sidewalk and driveway in, but the weather isn't cooperating.
• We learned tonight that Ian's primary care doctor at The Children's Institute is no longer working for the Institute as of today - an abrupt departure - and we don't know why.
• Tomorrow we go in for training to learn how to care for Ian. I can't speak for Mary, but I'm intimidated.

And so we wait for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. "Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you" (Ps 33:22).

Thank you for your prayers for us and for Ian.

Steve

God Never Lets Go

On my drive home today I was overwhelmed thinking of all that has happened in the past six months. I was thinking back to our days spent in the ICU, remembering the smells and sounds of Ian's room. It's so good for me to think about where we were, because it reminds me of how far God has brought us. I randomly picked a post from November 1 and was reminded of all that God has done:

"Today, we thought he was moving to his new treatment facility, but at the last minute they discovered fluid on his brain. He won’t relocate today, but instead he will have surgery on Friday to install a shunt in his head. My son, Caleb, highlighted the kindness of God in this new development when he noted that God showed the doctors this problem before Ian moved. It’s not what I would have chosen; I’m too impatient to get moving with his therapy. But, God knows what’s right and best."

I remember what IUP classroom I was in when Steve called and told me about the surgery for the shunt. I remember that Ben, my friend Jan and I stayed at the hospital Thursday night so we could be there on Friday while he was in surgery for his shunt. I remember that as soon as we saw him after the surgery, the swelling was visibly less on the right side of his head and he already seemed more responsive to us.

God was with us then and He is with us now. He delivered Ian from and sustained him through those seemingly dangerous surgeries and he has delivered us from nights spent sleeping on hospital floors. He has performed miracle after miracle in Ian's body and I believe that there are more miracles on the way. In the past few days, Ian has been more able to tell us when he is uncomfortable or even angry. He pushes the nurses away when they try to put the braces on his left arm and last night he was using his voice for at least five minutes. He is able to communicate with us through facial expressions when he is uncomfortable and then we are able to help him, which is an answer to prayer.

Ian is coming home soon. And I can't wait. Along with John Scherf:) and many others, I can't wait to see Ian be healed.

"Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you."

1 Chronicles 28:20

Larissa

Happy Easter, Ian

I regularly remember when Ian came to me at Youth Camp one night to talk. He was overcome with guilt over his sin, and it was very obvious that the Holy Spirit was drawing Ian's attention to all the sin that he had, indeed, committed. As with us all, that first encounter with the Holy Spirit's penetrating interrogation of Ian's heart was really only the beginning. There have been many more occasions where Ian and I discussed his sin. His awareness of his guilt before God has only grown, and his humility over his sin has been so amazing and encouraging. With his growing awareness of his sin came a growing appreciation for what Christ has done for him.

We celebrate Easter as the day Christ rose from the dead declaring to us that God was satisfied with what Christ had done. What Christ did was enough to secure our forgiveness and freedom from guilt. I remind myself of that night at Youth Camp now more than ever, because it comforts me knowing that my Savior is his Savior, too. God is for Ian, because Christ died and rose again and because I know that what Christ did He did for Ian. Happy Easter, Ian!

Pray for Ian. Pray that he would come out of this coma.

Steve

(The cards on Ian's wall are thanks to the students at Jubilee Christian School. They mean a lot to us. We're going to save them for Ian, so he can see them when he wakes up. Thank you!)

The Tender Heart of Jesus

There has been one train of thought in particular that has fueled my prayers for Ian. I care very much about Ian and strongly desire to see him be healed. I feel compassion for him, his family, and Larissa. My heart breaks when I think of the trial that Ian is enduring. Yet I am just a man. My compassion often fades and at times I may even forget to pray. When I do pray, my prayers are weak and often distracted.

But Jesus isn't like me. He is full of infinite tenderness and compassion towards Ian. If I feel compassion for Ian, how much more does the heart of Jesus beat with compassion! If my heart breaks over the thought of Ian suffering, how much more does the heart of Jesus break! The Bible tells us that Jesus prays for His people. I want to pray for Ian and see God exalted through Ian's sufferings. Jesus, the great creator of all things, is also praying for Ian. Doesn't that encourage you to pray? When we pray, we are joining with our Savior.

Jesus, I pray that you would heal Ian's broken body. If I feel tender compassion towards Ian, I know that you feel infinitely more compassion towards him. Would you please heal Ian out of Your infinite compassion?

-Stephen A

(The picture is of Steve and Lydia last Easter)

What does he see?

I wondered that yesterday when I saw Ian. His eyes were open, and he was looking at me (that's a change from the last few days when he would only keep his eyes closed, and we weren't sure if he was asleep). Is everthing he sees just a confusing mess? Where is he? Does he hear me? Wherever he is, it's a comfort knowing that even there the Lord is with Ian.
"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkeness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you" (Psalm 139:7-12).
Ian has been keeping his eyes open more than he had been, but at times he still seems to be in pain from them.
Thank you for praying.
Steve

April 20th?

Right now, my older brother is lying in a hospital bed enduring a coma that has taken up the last six months of his life. It seems to me like a bleak situation, it seems like there's no point to this. There's nothing more we can do to help him get out of it.

But then I realize this is a perfect opportunity for me to see God in greater, more accurate way. When I can't do anything, that's when I see the reality that I'm a dependent person, and my only choice is to rely on God, anyway. This is when I'm reminded God is in control of everything, and he knows what he's doing (Romans 8:28).

April 20th is the hospital's target date for when he'll finally come home to the handicap-accessible addition our church built for him. He can come home as soon as we build a driveway around the house to his room.

But join me in praying that he won't need the addition. Pray that he'll be able to walk home.

Thanks a million,
-Ben

Though the fig tree should not blossom
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

Jesus' Miracles

"As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world." Having said these things, he spat on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man's eyes with the mud and said to him, "Go, wash in the pool of Siloam" (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing."

When I read this passage this morning, it instantly took my thoughts to Ian, in his bed at the hospital. Along with the blind man in this story, it is not because Ian sinned that he is where he is now. I believe that it is so that "the works of God might be displayed in him." We have already seen so many works of God since Sept. 30: God's miracle in the ICU on the third day, Ian never needing surgery on his vertabrae or his knee, all of his organs and systems work perfectly, the list goes on and on. I believe that there are many more miracles to come. If the blind man came back from the pool seeing, then Ian is able to come home from the hospital walking.

Larissa

Sunglasses

Larissa was with Ian yesterday. She said she put his sunglasses on the top of his head because they had just gone back inside the hospital. He reached up and took the glasses and put them back on his nose. I wonder if it was because he's extra sensitive to light with the bacteria in his eyes.

Please pray that his eyes would heal. Pray for wisdom for the doctors. Pray that Ian would talk to us again.

Thank you.

Steve

I don't belong here

When Mary and I were with Ian today, he slept (or kept his eyes closed) for most of the time. But, it was interesting to watch him once reach for his eye, stick his finger under his sunglasses, rub his eye, remove his finger from behind the sunglasses, and then push the sunglasses further up on his nose. The brain is a mysterious thing; he sure seems like he's in there.

This experience with Ian has reminded me again of how fleeting life is. I don't belong here on this earth and neither does Ian. Christ died for our sins. He made us new creatures. He promised homes for us in heaven. He made us for heaven. Like the moon doesn't seem to belong in the sky when it's still light out, I don't belong here. Things that I desire and pursue will one day not be there to pursue, because I'll shed this life and all it's pursuits like a worn-out pair of jeans. I once made a comment to a friend about how pointless it seemed to spend so much time fixing our houses: "it's all going to burn anyway." He wisely pointed out that we have to have somewhere to live while we're here. True, but I want to hold things loosely. After all, I don't belong here.