Apr 12, 2007


Ian kept his eyes closed today. I could tell he was awake at times, but just wasn’t opening his eyes. His right eye is very red- redder than I’ve ever seen it I think. Please keep praying that God would heal the infection in his eye and prevent it from spreading.

His nurse said that he was being pretty feisty this morning. He kept pushing her hand away when she was trying to brush his teeth. In speech today Val was putting some things in his mouth but he kept pushing her hand away too. He’s much more oriented to his body so that when he wants to push someone away, he finds their hand almost immediately.

Tonight while I was praying with Ian, I started feeling very anxious, even in my prayers. I want so badly for him to just wake up. Sometimes that fact that I know God can heal him with one breath makes it even more frustrating! I just want to say “come on God, just do it! I know you can!” But just because I know that God is able, doesn’t mean that He has to. Just because we have faith that He can, doesn’t mean that He is going to. He will do what is perfect for us, in His perfect timing.

I knew in my anxiousness that I was not trusting God. He commands us not to worry and I need to obey Him. So I sat down in the chair next to Ian’s bed and decided that I should probably start learning what it means to “cast your cares on the Lord.” (Psalm 55:21-23) My anxiousness about when Ian will wake does not glorify God or change the situation. I found it most helpful in those few minutes to just close my eyes and try to focus on the cross. To let go of the worries about tomorrow and try to delight in what God has already accomplished for me through Jesus' blood. Changing my thought pattern in that moment was not in my own doing or strength- on my own, I would’ve left the hospital feeling pretty discouraged. But God graciously reveals sin to us and provides a way out.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
-How Firm a Foundation

Thank you all for praying



Anonymous said...

Great practical example of how the gospel relates to daily life!

Anonymous said...

Ian is being thought of, and he is in my prayers'

Nicole said...

Thanks for your honesty in posting this. Seeing your trust in God in this difficult time inspires me to trust Him in the mundane trials I deal with every day. I'll continue to pray for Ian and for you!!

God Bless,

Anonymous said...

Yes, you did just what God told you to do! He answered that prayer...and with the others, well, we just can view one day. There is enough mercy for that day, when I look into the future with Livi I am tempted to go down that slippery slide of what ifs. Sometimes I don't even realize that I have stepped into the abyss of unbelief. Because on my own reasoning, it makes sense to me. So I have to stop listening to myself...rein in those thoughts, etc. etc. etc. YOU are doing an incredible service to all of us by sharing the poignancy in your heart...it is practical, God pleasing, and makes us want to pray all the more for Ian. Also, those of us here with Livi are pretty much walking in the same steps. Just wanted to let you know you are always in our thoughts. Your blog is a blessing to me. Gretchen

Beejee Herr said...

Your practical struggles are so faith building. You are an example to us all. Thanks for loving the Savior above all else.

Anonymous said...

Larissa and family,
I am a believer in Denver. I learned about your blog from Solo Femininity, a blog I follow. I've been checking in several times a week and praying for Ian, for you, and for all involved in this situation. I'm praying that our precious Lord and Savior will cup you in His almighty, all powerful hands, and will reveal His amazing love in new and incredible ways. I'm praying that He will fill you with the hope, strength, peace, and yes even joy to get through each day.

When I read your post, I thought of a story someone had shared with me recently. I hope it will encourage you.

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"__He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.…

Anonymous said...

Read the Prayer of Jabez....
Believe and don't stop...
Believe in him and in yourself..
Gather strength through him.
God Bless

TimKurtz said...

Larissa: You continue to teach me much. I pray for God's blessing on you today as I continue to pray for Ian. -tim

Jen Marie said...

i haven't stopped praying.