If You should speak
Or should remain in silence
Should give me light
or lead me through the dark
Whatever the cost
Whatever joy or sorrow
I'll worship still
Because of who You are
-Starfield

Ian slept in pretty late this morning but then had a good session of therapy with Amanda and Heather. He communicated very clearly to them that his left heel was hurting him which is great that he can tell us specifically where he is hurting. However, we're noticing that as he becomes more aware, he may be feeling more pain and discomfort. Ian communicated to Bill that certain areas of his body were hurting, like his back and hip, most likely side effects from the impact of the accident.

For some reason, it's often harder for me to think about his hip or back hurting than it is to think about the injuries to his brain. It was like that since the night of the accident- it was always the somewhat little injuries (little in comparison) that hit me the most.

Naturally, as he gains consciousness he will begin to feel more and more pain. Please pray that God would continue to grant abundant mercy on him. It's hard to know that Ian is in pain, but it's wonderful to know that our Lord is tenderly caring for all of those pains.

Larissa

Making noise

Ian has been trying out his voice the last couple of days. Yesterday, Amanda, a friend who is a speech therapist, said that he made noise with his voice 12 times in one session when she prompted him. Last night, I asked him about the use of his voice. I said, I heard that you used your voice a lot today. When I said that, he made a noise with his voice. But, today, we haven't heard much.

Steve

"This is how to deal with God. Praise Him before you are delivered. Praise Him for what is coming. Adore Him for what He is going to do. I do not think there is a sweeter song in God's ear than the song of one who blesses Him for grace that has not yet been tasted, who blesses Him for answers that have not been received but are sure to come." Charles Spurgeon

What Ian Sings

My husband, Mark, puts out cd's that are the Scriptures set to music. I was listening to one in the car, today, and Ian happened to be singing two of the Scriptures I listened to. Not only is Ian gifted in all the other ways that have been detailed here, in this blog, he can sing too; very well. His singing career goes all the way back to his first band, the Dum-Bums that included such talents as his friend, David, my son. Their fame spread far and wide between our two houses, that were right next to each other. Their last band, Knucklehead (pictured here), which also included my son actually played a few gigs. Ian can sing and his voice, on the cd, was evidence that his voice was only getting better.

The songs he sang were very edifying, but also, very interesting. The first was 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

The second was 1Thessalonians 5:23-24:

"Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

There's not much more that I desire in this world than to hear Ian sing again. But wasn't he telling me, as he sang, that what he was singing is exactly what God is doing in his life? The Lord, Himself, is preparing for Ian an eternal weight of glory, beyond all comparison that will make what he and his family have to endure seem light and momentary. If I look at what is seen, and not at what is unseen, it seems unbearably heavy and far too long, but Ian was telling me something very different. He told me that the God, Himself is sanctifying him completely and keeping his whole spirit, soul and body blameless until Jesus returns or he goes to his real home, Paradise with Jesus. And then he capped it all off with God's promise, "He who calls you is faithful. He will surely do it."

Ian is gaining something so, utterly, fantastic in these sufferings, that we would probably faint with ecstasy if we could see it. But we can't see it, and that's why we get into trouble. We're looking at him with our physical eyes that only see what is temporal and transient. So, as he sings, we're supposed to be looking at and for the things that are unseen because they are eternal and most important. The Scriptures, just as Ian was singing, teaches that all of our sufferings are completely purposeful in the hands of an eternally wise and very skillful God.

I am praying, hard, that Ian will sing again. But in all my prayers, I don't want to lose sight of what Ian is gaining in his sufferings and therefore dishonor God and rob Ian, in my own mind, of the glorious weight of God's doings. I want to obey Jesus and pray, with perseverance, until He answers, but I also want to remember that there are supernatural, hidden and mysterious things happening in and with Ian and his family of which I have no idea, but of which He knows all.

God if faithful. He will surely do it.
Kristi A.

Hope in God

I read an article in our local paper recently about an atheist author whose best-selling book aggressively attempts to refute the existence of God. The Psalmist must have experienced a similar assault on God's character in Psalm 42 and 43; his oppressors were saying continually, "where is your God?" (42:10). I'm sure some who read this blog have the same question in mind "witnessing" our experiences with Ian: where is your God? I'm sure because that question has whispered from the corner of my mind.

The Psalmist struggled with difficult experiences caused in part by atheists in his day. "Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls," he said. "All your breakers and your waves have gone over me." Yet, in the face of his difficulties he challenged his own soul (42:11): "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." This is a refrain he repeats three times in two Psalms. It's a refrain I have to repeat over and over again to myself, too, despite my difficult experiences.

No matter what happens with Ian, I must "hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."

Ian continues to be alert and apparently aware of his surroundings. We "communicate" by asking yes/no questions of him, and we get a long blink if his answer is 'yes'. A friend of ours led a group us in a worship with Ian; I trust it meant a lot to him.

Pray for Ian.

Steve

Grace at NA

I'm sitting in the hotel room tonight after a long day at this great conference. It has been such a blessing to meet some of the people that have been following this blog and praying for Ian, some since the day of the accident. I am so moved again by the fact that people who don't even know Ian feel a weight on their heart to daily lift him and us up in prayer. Only God could stir hearts like that.

I was talking this morning with someone who reads the blog daily and throughout our conversation I was saying how God's grace alone has sustained me through this. She then asked me what I do in my moments of darkness and basically asked what do I practice in times of temptation. What a great question. I think I responded by saying that I stop and ask God to help me and give me grace. God has also helped me to be diligent in my quiet times and I daily have seen the fruit of that. But that question really made me start thinking more about grace and what it has actually done in my life. These are my thoughts so far.

I have been enveloped with grace for the past eight months. I have been given abundantly more grace than I have asked for in prayer. I have walked along with the Murphy's through what apart from Christ is a huge tragedy, full of sorrow, and lacking of hope. But we have not been crushed. God has met me in every hour of need and I have no way to explain that other than to credit it to God's infinite love for me. Nothing has shown me more of His character than being carried by His grace through this suffering. His grace is what allows me to get out of bed in the morning when my emotions tell me that hiding under the covers would be best. His grace is what allows me to look at Ian and see the man that I want to marry. His grace is what allows Steve and Mary to care for all of their oldest son's physical needs. His grace is what allows us to say 'it is good that I was afflicted.'

This conference opened with singing "Amazing Grace." I was crying instantly because we sang that song countless times over Ian while he was in the hospital. Ian is a recipient of God's amazing grace. We are experiencing, right now, God's amazing grace. "Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come." And "grace will lead me home."

Thank you for your prayers. And thank you, Chrissy, for challenging me with that great question.

Larissa

Forsake me not

(Larissa wrote this last night and asked me to post it today. Steve)

One of our friends who is working with Ian reported today that he swallowed around a dozen times while she was working with him. When he was in Children's, it was a good day to have one swallow per session. This may not seem significant at first, but him swallowing more means that he is gaining control of his tongue. We've been told that after he learns how to consistently swallow again, him forming words should come pretty quickly after that.

We took Ian to the movies tonight to see Pirates III. He did really well for about an hour and then he was happy to be home and back in his bed.

As Kristi wrote, this weekend is New Attitude, a conference with Sovereign Grace Ministries. I don't like the thought of being there without Ian. It just feels awkward. But God knew that he wouldn't be there and He knew that we would be wishing he were in Kentucky with us. Somehow this is better and is accomplishing something greater. God can minister to Ian no matter where he is and He can also comfort our emotions of longing to have Ian there with us.

"Forsake me not in my joys, lest they absorb my heart. Forsake me not in my sorrows, lest I murmur against thee. Forsake me not in the day of my repentance, lest I lose the hope of pardon, and fall into despair; and forsake me not in the day of my strongest faith, lest faith degenerate into presumption. Forsake me not, for without thee I am weak, but with thee I am strong. Forsake me not, for my path is dangerous, and full of snares, and I cannot do without thy guidance"

Spurgeon

Thank you for praying

Larissa

New Attitude

Last year, today, David and Ian were filming their last installment of "Drowning Melville.", in Louisville, KY, at New Attitude, a conference sponsored by Sovereign Grace Ministries. If you haven't seen it, you should. You'll see Ian at his acting, funniest best. The address is:

savethewheel.com/melville

I remember how stressed David was about it. They, both, worked so hard to get it filmed, edited and finished, and then they never had time to show it at the conference! I doubt that Ian was as stressed as David. He was, always, pretty relaxed about these things, which drove David crazy. They're relationship has always had it's rocks every now and then.

How could any of us ever dreamed that Ian wouldn't be at New Attitude this year, and why he wouldn't be there? Except One, of course. The Lord knew. He has always known exactly what He was going to do in Ian's and his family's life. And He still knows. He knows exactly what He's going to do, right now, and exactly when He's going to do it. He knows how long we will have to wait and He knows, more than any human that's ever lived, how painful the waiting for His work is.

If anyone knows pain, it's God. Most of us know it, occasionally, only in one lifetime, but He has known it for generation after generation. He has watched what sin does to His creation and His creatures ever since He created man and only He knows the depths of His own pain. God experiences pain, the Scriptures says, and He knows how to take care of His children who are in pain. Let's pray for Murphy's grief, this week-end, as they care for their son, who would be at New Attitude with his friends, if God hadn't decided something else for him. He has permitted great pain to enter the Murphy's family, for great purposes that we have no idea of. Let's pray that God works wonders in Ian's life, this week-end, as He works wonders at the conference.

kristi

Engraved in the rock forever

Among the many things that have struck me from the story of Job lately, his loyalty to God has been particularly remarkable. With God's permission, Satan took Job's wealth and his children. Sadly, Job's wife followed all of their tragedy by attempting to turn his heart away from God when she asked, "Do you still hold fast your integrity?" She then brazenly advised him to "curse God and die." What's remarkable and challenging to me is Job's response: "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all his tragedy and loss and pain and discomfort, the book records, Job did not sin with his lips. He declared his loyalty in an even stronger way in Job 13:15 when he said, "though he slay me, I will hope in him." He even longed for his confidence to be reported to everyone and "engraved in the rock forever" (Job 19:24). In an amazing passage that follows (verses 25-27), he summed up his faith: "For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another."

Lord, help me to respond like Job, to remain loyal to my Redeemer. Help me not to curse God, though we've received "evil" from His hand. Help Ian to trust you despite what he's experiencing.

Ian continues to surprise visitors who haven't seen him for a while with the progress he's made. He looks like the old Ian, but he can't talk to us. He remains in a coma. He doesn't swallow well, so he drools often. He moves a lot now, stretching, pushing us away, holding our hand. He does respond slowly to requests from care workers when they make requests of him.

It looks like we're going to get evening and weekend help beginning 6/11 filling the gaps. Thank you, Lord!

Please pray that he talks to us. Thank you for your prayers.

Steve

My friend and I just took a trip to Florida and all during my trip, I found myself thinking, worrying rather, "Will Ian ever see the beach again? Will he ever fly in a plane? Will he swim in the ocean again?" Those are some of the most fun things in the world to do, and it made me really sad to think that Ian may never be able to do them again. I know that God can still heal Ian completely, but I also know that that might not be His will. I had to fight during those moments to remind myself that even if Ian never sees the beach again, the beauty of the beach or the fun of playing in the ocean does not hold a flame to what Ian will experience in heaven when he sees Jesus face to face. And I must continue to believe that Ian is feeling God's presence right now in a way that we cannot understand, and that the experience of God's presence is far more satisfying than spending an afternoon playing in the ocean.

Ian didn't want to wake up when I first got home because he'd had a long day. He finally did though and was more active than I'd seen him in awhile. He was moving his head around a lot and made an expression with his eyes that I'd never seen before either. Later on when we were outside, he was using his voice for awhile when I was asking him how his week was. It wasn't groaning either- it was like he was trying really hard to talk to me.

In a few days it will be eight months since the accident. That is so long. That means that almost half of our relationship now has been spent in a hospital room or wheelchair. Please continue to pray with us that God would completely restore Ian.

"Think about His love. Think about His goodness. Think about His grace, that brought us through. For as high as the heavens above, so great is the measure of our father's love. Great is the measure of our father's love."

Larissa

Today was a good day

It's as though he's really trying hard. Heather, a long time friend and someone who has known Ian all his life, came today to work with Ian. She said he really cooperated with some things, though other things he resisted. She did get him to cross his feet. She also noticed that he seems to be swallowing better which, if he can do it consistently, is significant progress. Later, another friend and speech therapist, Amanda, visited and noticed again that he was cooperating with the things she would ask him to do. Tonight, Bill, an attendant care worker, noticed the same kinds of things. His comment was that Ian seemed to work so hard at focusing on the tasks at hand, it probably wore him out. He's really tired tonight.

Thank you for praying.

Steve

Today, Ian was looking at a picture on the bulletin board across from his bed.

"I bet you miss your cousins," my mom asked him, "do you want to see Sarah and Jesi again?"

He responded in the best way he knows how: a long, deliberate blink.

Please pray that Ian will be able to laugh with his cousins soon. Please pray that he'll be able to communicate with us more effectively.

We know you're praying hard for Ian and the rest of us, and we didn't do anything to deserve your prayers. Thanks again!

-Ben

Be Expectant

I was reading today's entry from Spurgeon's Faith's Checkbook. He begins with explaining that God's prophet, Isaiah, meant it for the Israelites in their war with Cyrus but then, only as he can, extends the application, as it should be, to all of His children because He never changes.

"I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron." (Isaiah 45:2)

"This was for Cyrus; but it is evermore the heritage of all the Lord's own spiritual servants. Only let us go forward by faith, and our way will be cleared for us. Crooks and turns of human craft and satanic subtlety shall be straightened for us; we shall not need to track their devious windings. The gates of brass shall be broken, and the iron bars which fastened them shall be cut asunder. We shall not need the battering ram nor the crowbar: the Lord Himself will do the impossible for us, and the unexpected shall be a fact.

Let us not sit down in coward fear. Let us press onward in the path of duty, for the Lord hath said it: "I will go before thee." Ours not to reason why; ours but to dare and dash forward. It is the Lord's work, and He will enable us to do it: all impediments must yield before Him. Hath He not said, "I will break in pieces the gates of brass"! What can hinder His purpose or balk His decrees? Those who serve God have infinite resources. The way is clear to faith though barred to human strength. When Jehovah says, "I will," as He does twice in this promise, we dare not doubt."

The Murphy's are doing their work, and it is hard. Our work or "war", so to speak, it to pray for Ian. What an encouragement God gives us from His word. My favorite line of the entry is, "We shall not need the battering ram nor the crowbar: the Lord Himself will do the impossible for us and the unexpected shall be a fact."

Human might, nor skill, nor reasoning could not save Ian's life, but God did. Human strength did not heal the fractured vertebrae in his neck, but God did. Human skill did not put together the ligaments in his knee, but God did. The unexpected became fact for us.

Let's continue to pray to the One, who's purposes cannot, will not be hindered and expect the impossible from Him for Ian. No amount of human strength or reasoning can bring him back to us, but, as Spurgeon confirms what the Word of God says, "Those who serve God have infinite resources" because He is infinite, He loves His people and He answers our prayers. And he loves Ian. Let's remember that, "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." (James 5:16) Let's continue to pray, with hearts filled with faith and confidence in the One who crushed His own Son in order to make us His children so that we could come, boldly, before His throne and ask our Father that He would restore Ian to His family and Larissa better than he left us.

Kristi A.

"Don't leave me as the older brother, Ian," I remember saying a few days after his accident, when he was dying and I was preparing to say my last goodbye. We were in the intensive care unit in a Pittsburgh hospital, and I thought I was seeing my brother for the last time.

Today, I was thinking about that conversation. Althought I hoped and prayed he would live, I couldn't expect him to. My family and I were ready to accept that Ian's time on earth was through and that we would see him again in heaven.

"I want to understand God's providence, but I can't," a friend told me today. Like him, I don't understand why God works how he does, but I realize that He is always wise and loves us through Christ. If he had chosen to take Ian then, we could still be sure of his loving control. This same truth about God is as true now as it was in the ICU: God loves those who follow him and he is working everything for their good.

Some of the time, we're able to communicate with Ian through asking him questions to which he'll respond "yes" with a long blink. The other night, Ian responded to one of my questions with a deliberate headshake; a definite "no" answer. Pray that God will continue healing Ian, specifically that we'll be able to communicate with each other more often and more effectively.

Thanks!

-Ben

Driving in the fog

If you've ever driven the mountain highways between Indiana and Altoona, you know that at times they can be pretty foggy making it very difficult to drive. Recently, I was remembering a time when I had to drive that stretch in the fog and how challenging it was. I had to focus on the lines in the road and on the tail lights ahead of me to keep my bearings. I knew that if I drifted one way I could collide with another car ahead or behind me. Drifting the other way was just as treacherous. I had to slow down and focus hard on those lines to keep on track. I also had to focus on the tail lights ahead of me to gauge my speed and to anticipate which way the road would turn next.

That story came back to me as I thought about how challenging this situation is with Ian. It's treacherous to drift off our course and acknowledge fearful thoughts. If I give in, I'll be in trouble. It's also tempting to embrace and act on selfish, complaining thoughts, but that's just as treacherous. I have to focus hard on the lines provided in Scripture, the incredible promises and truths of Scripture. God is faithful and powerful and kind and good and very much involved. His favor is very much on our lives, though I don't always see it clearly. I have to stay focused on the One who leads us just ahead trusting that He knows where He's taking us. The Lord has been helping us.

Ian continues to be very alert, though he still can't communicate with us. He moves around a lot, now, stretching and shifting. None of these things were happening in the last three weeks he was in the hospital. I don't know where we're going with Ian, but I trust the Lord is doing something.

Thank you for praying for Ian...we want him to talk to us.

Steve

First Date

Ian and I had our first date tonight in seven months. I remember that the last one we went on was to Cozumel, a Mexican restaurant, two days before the accident. I was looking forward to it all day and throughout the day when Mary asked Ian about it, he communicated that he remembered too that we had a date planned. We drove around town and went to some of the places that we used to go to. Steve came to our rescue after a slight mishap with Ian's head rest falling off but after that we were good. Ian was awake the whole time just looking out the window. We drove around IUP and to my old apartment building. I tried to find the Murphy's old house on Grandview Ave and then we went to St. Bernard's church, which is up on a big hill and has a great view of town. We stopped by Jen and Stephen's and the four of us hung out in the van for awhile. It was nice to just do normal things with Ian, even if we have to do them a little bit differently and it was nice to just have a special time with him like our dates before.

"As to myself, if I had been told what I was to learn through these protracted sufferings, I am afraid I should have shrunk back in terror and so have lost all the sweet lessons God propsed to teach me. As it is, he has led me on, step by step, answering my prayers in his own way and I cannot bear to have a single human being doubt that it has been a perfect way. I love and adore it just as it is."
-Elizabeth Prentiss


Thank you for praying for Ian. Please pray that God restores him completely and that on our next date, he'll be the one driving:)



Larissa

Ian continues to spend way more time awake now that he's home than he did in the hospital. He had a good session with speech today. Amanda and Heather, two women from our church who are very, very graciously working with Ian, held up two pieces of paper. One said "yes" and one said "no." At this point, they just asked Ian to point one of the pieces, and he did. They are working on him pointing to the word that he wants to use to answer a question, but the fact that he can just point at the paper is great. Tonight I asked him to hold a book for me while I grabbed something else and right away he put his hand out to hold the book.

I recently started a part-time job and if anything, it has made me appreciate even more the fact that Ian is home. It is such a blessing to see him first thing in the morning and have devotional time with him and then see him as soon as I get home. I've been reading through Genesis with Ian and while I already can't remember all of the stories that I've read throughout the chapters, God's faithfulness is displayed to me every day that I read. He was faithful to men like Abraham and Isaac, however many years ago that was. He gave them many promises about their offspring or about the land that would be theirs, and he fulfilled all of those promises, many in their lifetimes. God has promised that He will deliver us (Psalm 34:17) and that He will always be with us (Joshua 1:9). I'm praying that Ian sees deliverance from this in his lifetime.

Keep clinging to the cross, Ian. God will deliver you.

Larissa

Starting over

I remember when Ian was a very young boy how everything he did was new and exciting for us. I remember the video of him banging a tamborine against his leg and how cute that was. I remember some of the funny things he said. I also remember when he would "draw" scribbles, and we would praise his attempts.

It seems we're starting over, but this time it's bittersweet. Today, for example, when a friend put a pen in his hand (with some coaching) he used it to make marks on a page. He also gave one of our attendant care workers, Bill, a clear shaking of his head to indicate he didn't want drops of water put in his mouth. Ian also shook Bill's hand tonight. These are small things, but we take some comfort in hearing these reports.

We keep encouraging Ian to use his voice, so he can tell us when he's in pain or when he needs something. Please keep praying that he would use his voice.

Thank you for praying.

Steve

Keep Praying

"I never would have been able to comfort anguished seekers if I myself had not been kept waiting for mercy. I have always felt grateful for distress because of the results afterward. Many saints whose experiences are published could never have written those books if they had not waited hungry and thirsty and full of soul sorrow. The spade of agony digs deep trenches to hold the water of life. If the ships of prayer do not speedily return, it is because they are heavily loaded with blessings. When prayer is not immediately answered, it will be all the sweeter when the answer arrives. Prayer, like fruit, is ripened by hanging longer on the tree. If you knock with a heavy heart, you will soon sing with the joy of the Spirit. Therefore, do no be discouraged because the door is still closed."

-Charles Spurgeon

Thin ice

When I was a little kid growing up in Minnesota (the land of 10,000 lakes), we would regularly hear tragic stories about people falling through the ice into the frigid water. In my little mind, what was most perplexing to me was when pickup trucks or cars would fall through the ice as their owners tried to cross on the ice. I would think, "why would they do something so ridiculous? Don't they realize that something that heavy could fall through the ice?"

I've become so much more aware through this experience with Ian that life is as fragile as that thin ice. People go on with their lives as if their safety and their lives were a sure thing. Activity and schedules and the demands of life drive people on across the ice, and they don't stop to consider what might happen if the ice breaks. Then, someone does fall through - someone close dies or a car wrecks and lives are torn apart or cancer strikes. I can't imagine not knowing our kind and merciful Savior. I can't imagine not knowing that He died to take my sin. I can't imagine not knowing that because of that death my circumstances are ruled by God for good. I can't imagine not being assured of heaven. This experience is painful enough; I can't imagine not having that confidence in the middle of the pain.

Sometimes I wish that I could appeal to the people passing by us to seriously consider what they're doing. I want to ask them, "what will happen if you fall through the ice as we have? Will you have the assurance that God is weaving all of your circumstances together for good? Do you have the confidence that when you die you will be in heaven?"

Steve

p.s. Ian continues to make very slow progress, and we're adjusting to the new normal. We are very grateful to have him home with us. Please continue to pray for paid staff for overnight and weekends. Pray that he would talk to us. Thank you.

Psalm 119:154

"...But you are near, O LORD, and all your commandments are true."

"My brother is in trouble, but you are near, God, and you have not forsaken him. It doesn't seem like this is a good thing, Father, but all of you commandents are true, and you have promised that you love us and want nothing but what is good for us. Thank you, Jesus, that have proven your love by offering yourself up for our punishment. Thank you that we can know you are near. Amen."

Ian seems to be making a little bit of progress since he's been home. I'm sure the familar surroundings are helping.

Please keep praying that this would help us all (especially Ian) know God and his joy better. And pray that Ian would be healed.

-Ben

Surprised

I want this to be over. I want this to be over. I want this to be over. That's what my emotions often tell me and those are the words that often race through my head- I just want us to be out of this trial. But, not surprisingly, writing these words and speaking them doesn't accomplish anything. But praying does. And asking God to deliver us does, because when we are asking for deliverance from affliction, we are praying in agreement with God's promises. (Psalm 34:19) He has already delivered me, the Murphys and Ian from much-most importantly, our deliverance from our lives headed straight to hell, and he will deliver us again from the trials of this world.

I admit that I have grown discouraged in my belief that God will heal Ian. I'm stuck on the lack of progress that I can see. I desperately just want Ian to talk to us and hang out with us again. He must be getting bored of hearing my lame stories. I want to pray that we would be surprised soon by God's power and surprised by the way He heals Ian. I want to keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking, as I know that that honors God and I know that's what Ian would be doing. And I don't want to lose sight of the Ian that we know but rather I want to be excited for the day that we see that Ian again.

"I believe; help my unbelief" Mark 9:24

Larissa

Dear Ian

I wish that I could talk to you to help you process biblically what you're experiencing. We could talk together and take comfort together from God's Word. You could remind me again of God's sovereign hand as I'm sure you would. I wish as your father I could have done something to prevent this; I wish I could have spared you from this. But, I know that there is One who rules over both of us, and I'm sure you would remind of that fact. He knows every detail of our lives. He knows everything we do and everywhere we go. Nothing is outside the view of His watchful eye. Nothing escapes His notice. Nothing is outside His control - not even a car.

I wish that I could remind you - and know that you hear me - that "in this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; [He] has overcome the world." This was no surprise to God. He knew that we would have this tribulation. He knew long ago what would happen on that road while you drove. Most importantly, though, He took care of you in the most important way before the wreck ever happened by overcoming sin and death and crediting Christ's righteousness to you and securing a future for you in heaven.

I wish I could listen to you wrestling through your questions to embrace these truths (if you are aware of what's happening to you). I know that you would, because I've listened to you before as the Spirit helped you wrestle through to the truth. I watched with awe as the Spirit changed your heart over the years. You grew to have a passion for Him that was amazing to see.

I wish that I could help you spiritually now, but I know that you're safe in the Master's hands. He is taking care of you, and I'm at peace with that knowledge.

Come back soon. We're praying that you would.

Dad

Ian smiled at me a few times in a row today. It was the first I'd seen him smile since he was at Lifecare. Very encouraging:) Also, yesterday I was shaving his face and couldn't get a few spots on his moustache so he took the razor a few times and did it himself. I could tell it was taking a lot of effort to do it, but he did make it up to his moustache where I was telling him to shave. He knew what I was asking him to do.

"But although tribulation is thus the path of God’s children, they have the comfort of knowing that their Master has traversed it before them; they have his presence and sympathy to cheer them, his grace to support them, and his example to teach them how to endure; and when they reach “the kingdom,” it will more than make amends for the “much tribulation” through which they passed to enter it."
-Charles Spurgeon

Please pray that staffing would be found for the weekend shifts. Please pray that he comes back to us fully restored. I miss him.

Larissa

Happy

"This is a strange world we live in: there are not many things that make us happy. Yet somehow we forget the very thing that could give us happiness, and we keep our eyes on the frivolous cares and teasing troubles, which distract us...let us [instead] be as happy as we can*. Trials and troubles will come; do not expect to be free from them." -Charles Spurgeon

I have to remind myself daily: my joy doesn't come from a good (easy) life, but my happiness comes from a good God. A god who took the blame for the bad stuff I did, and then gave me credit for the good way he lived. This truth is where my happiness comes from!

When you pray, thank God that we can be happy no matter how hard our lives are. He has given us the happiest news possible!

-Ben

We are God's workmanship, in whom he will be glorified by our afflictions. It is for the honour of Jesus that we endure the trial of our faith with sacred joy. Let each man surrender his own longings to the glory of Jesus, and feel, "If my lying in the dust would elevate my Lord by so much as an inch, let me still lie among the pots of earth. If to live on earth for ever would make my Lord more glorious, it should be my heaven to be shut out of heaven."
-Spurgeon

Waiting

I've had the honor of watching Mary, Steve and Larissa walk through the worst trial I can possibly think of for the last 7 months now. I've read every post, with all of you, and wondered at the grace that God has poured into their lives day after long day. It has been 7 months full of miracles and sadness and grief, and they have proven to me, through the watching and the reading, that everything that the Scriptures say about God is true.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isa. 41:10

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, not shall the flame scorch you." Isa 43:2

Because of Steve, Mary and Larissa, I know that He provides whatever His people need when they are suffering. Because of them, I know that He is powerful, beyond belief, because day after difficult day, each of them puts one foot in front of the other, and lives with the praises of God in their hearts and mouths. Because of them, I know, that even in the very worst of circumstances God is, very purposefully, at work in the lives of His beloved children. They have become our teachers, not because they wanted to be, but because God purposed it. And they have been faithful, faithful teachers. And with each passing day, they teach us more about who God is, what He is like, and what He does for His children. What a pleasing aroma their lives are sending up to the Father, day after day after day.

We miss Ian more than words can say. He's home, and we're incredibly grateful that God intervened over and over again to save his life and heal his body. But we miss who he was when he left us and we're aching for the Lord to completely restore him. We miss his voice. We miss his laughter. We miss his humor and wit. We miss his friendship. We miss everything about him, which is a lot because, for anyone who knows him, Ian is quite a presence.

So, I'm asking that, for anyone who reads this blog, would you be willing to double and re-double your prayers to the Father for Ian's complete return? Would you be willing to ask, seek and knock more and harder. As we have well learned, the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective and God rewards them who diligently seek Him. Would you be willing to ask the Lord for more faith for more prayer for Ian? Would you be willing to ask the Spirit to remind you more each day? It's so easy to forget. Would you, especially, pray that He would restore Ian's ability to talk? I know that it's a great burden for his parents and Larissa not to know if he's hurting or uncomfortable or discouraged. We would be so grateful if you would, and God is always pleased with more prayer.


Kristi Altrogge

Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Ian had another good day on Saturday. When he was awake he was pretty alert and he also took some nice naps. We had a little campfire last night that hopefully he enjoyed and we watched some familiar movies and shows with him.

Yesterday morning I was having my devotion time with him and was reading through Genesis. I got to the part about the Tower of Babel and wasn't sure how to pronounce Babel. So I asked Ian to blink at the right pronunciation. Three times he blinked to the one way I was saying it. I asked Steve how it was pronounced and Ian was blinking to the right one. Not only does that show me that he remembers somewhat obscure things like how to pronounce words, but it shows me that he knew I was reading God's word to him. I hope it is bringing him comfort and peace.

We've seen Ian more alert this week than we ever have at the hospital. Please keep praying with us that this continues and God brings him back to us fully.

Larissa

The brain is a mysterious thing

For weeks prior to Ian's return home, we saw very little response to anything that was happening around him and to any attempts at therapy. There would be the occasional spark of life, but nothing like we've seen since his return. His eyes are open more frequently, and he focuses more. He holds Larissa's hand and reaches for her neck occasionally to draw her close for a hug. Tonight he was cooperating in physical therapy with someone that just started with us yesterday; he'd ask Ian to move his arm, for example, and got the appropriate response.

The brain is a mysterious thing. Ian can recognize and respond to Larissa and to us, but he can't talk. He can give us a long blink in response to a question like, "are you uncomfortable?" But, he can't quite swallow completely yet. He looks like Ian and has some of the same mannerisms that are so Ian-like. But, I wonder where he is and what he's thinking and experiencing.

Lord, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. That becomes even more apparent when things don't work right in our bodies, and we don't know why. You are the One who designed Ian's body, and you are the One who knows exactly what's wrong and how to fix him. You know where he is, and I trust that he's in your hands. After all, where can he go from your Spirit? If Ian were to take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand would lead him, and your right hand shall hold him. For you formed his inward parts; you knitted him together in his mother's womb. I praise you for we are fearfully and wonderfully made. [see Ps 139].

Steve

A busy place

Our home has become a pretty busy place since Ian came home - all the deliveries of supplies and the health care workers and the non-stop activity surrounding his care. Add to that the occasional visitor to work on the addition. It's hard to keep up, but the Lord is sustaining us.

I brought home a specialized van with a ramp in it to try out with Ian. We haven't tried it yet, and we haven't bought it. We're hoping to find something that will enable us to get him around. It would be our goal to get him back to church sometime; I don't know when.

In addition to praying that Ian would talk, would you pray that the 24/7 care would soon be staffed completely? We have no one for overnight and no one for weekends.

Thank you for praying.

Steve

It's been another good day at home with Ian. He was kind-of sleepy throughout the day but tonight the Altrogge's came over and Ian was wide awake. He was watching David really closely while he was talking and playing guitar. We were out with him for most of the night- this nice weather has been such a blessing. He was using his voice a lot today, more than we've ever heard.

Tonight is more proof to us that Ian is glad to be home. And we're glad to have him back.

Thanks Bob, for the info. Mary can sleep at night now:)

Thank you all for your prayers. Please pray that God would allow Ian to speak to us soon.

Larissa

Faithfulness

It's 10:00 p.m., I'm sitting next to Ian in his new room at home and I have never seen him this alert. He has had a great day at home- he's napped but he's also been very aware of what's going on. In fact, he's watching me very intently right now. I painted mine and Lydia's nails yesterday. I don't usually wear nail polish. I held my hand up to Ian and asked him if they looked too girly. He gave me a very deliberate blink. Then I asked if I should take the nail polish off- same response. I know he doesn't like nail polish in "real life" and it means he still has raging opinions- all good signs.

It's great to have him here, to be able to say good night and good morning to him and it already feels natural. There are also new challenges and the temptation to fear. God's strength is perfected in these weaknesses though and his grace is sufficient for us. "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow" from Great is Thy Faithfulness has been in my head all day. God provides us with the strength we need for each day. He will show us how to care for Ian and refresh us when we are weary. It's a good lesson in clinging to the cross.

Thank you all for praying with us. Please continue to pray that staffing would be provided and that Ian would continue to respond to us. We can already see a difference in him. Please pray that that continues.

Larissa

P.S. The picture of Lydia was taken while she was staying with family friends just after the accident when we were all living in the hospital. She couldn't be happier to have her big brother home again.