here's another post from ian's old blog that we found recently. he wrote this eight days before his accident.
Excerpt from "Recovering Double Agent" page 57
She told him the last time she
had been in the city was on business, but because of the nature of it
she couldn't tell him the details of her mission. From inside the raised
apartment flat he saw her through the sliding screen doors, standing,
facing the edge of the balcony. The moonlight cast a streak of light
across the top of her shoulders and dark hair. He stood with the two
glasses of wine in his hands and let her wait and hunt for shooting
stars. He didn't want to interrupt her. She was filled to the brim with
secrets. The things she kept left a separation between the two of them.
From that distance he couldn't think of a single thing he would change.
He didn't want to move forward, she always looked so beautiful standing
aloof. A life she led previous to this one was something he would never
be able to know. Sometimes he would catch her in the right light and
would admire her for who she was at that moment in time. But, as he
approached, the closer he got, the more he became aware that she would
never be completely his. Questions he had that he was afraid to ask,
like, "Where were you the last time you saw the moon glow such an
amazing shade of orange?". The chances were she would be able to answer,
but then she would most likely have to kill him.