One of the hardest parts of my days is waking up while Ian is still asleep, entirely covered by our white down comforter. The birds are chirping outside, telling me to get back into bed and hold my best friend's hand. But I can't. I have to get his meds ready, get our lunches ready, leave notes for our caregivers, and leave at 7:00 a.m. to not be late.
And the kiss good-bye is the saddest. My heart is to be home, finishing the laundry, cleaning (I would probably get over that really fast), decorating, making a meal to deliver to someone, planning a menu, raising babies. I wish that I could still be in bed as Ian gets ready for work. But instead each morning so far, Lord willing, I have given him that kiss good-bye, and try to remind myself that I'm going to work for two main reasons - because I love God and I love my husband.
It would be easy as a young wife to think that it's wrong for me to work. Not because anyone has ever said it or even implied, but because when given the option, many of my girlfriends have chosen to stay home with their babies or until babies arrive. It can be a lonely feeling facing a career when few other women that I interact with each day are at work 40 hours a week, or in a corporate environment at that.
I love my job and the provision it has been. But I wouldn't choose a career, I don't think. I did choose to marry Ian, though. And so even on the days that are the hardest to leave, there has to be joy knowing that I'm doing the work that God has called me to. Maybe someday I will stay home and raise babies, or work from home. But for now, I have to continue to fight to be thankful and remind myself that for me to walk out Proverbs 31 means high heels and a corporate title.
More to come on this topic later:)
Thank you for praying.