The past few weeks in church we have been singing a song that has greatly affected me, and unfortunately I can't even think of the tune or the lyrics right now! (So if anyone can help me out, please do) The last line in one of the verses speaks on God glorifying his name through our lives.
When we sang this song last week, I was struck again, as I have been many times through this, that his glory does not always come in the way that we would choose. On my own I would never chose this situation to reveal His glory. And in my own finite wisdom, I wouldn't be able to see how much this would glorify Him. But God is so unlike us. He has become for us wisdom, He knows the result of this trial, and He planned it for His glory. I can't see that now. But I've been thinking how declaring to God that we want Him to glorify himself through our lives is one of the most ultimate acts of humility and submission to him. To ask Him to glorify His name in us means giving Him all that we have, not knowing what He will do with it or how painful it will be, but trusting that it will bring Him glory.
This trial certainly doesn't feel good. Everything in me is screaming 24/7 to let this be over. I hate that Ian has to suffer this way. Yet, this is how God willed to glorify Himself. I cannot question that. So I must continue the battle of finding even one place in my heart that wants to submit my life to Christ in this way.
For those who are coming, it will be a chance for us to get together and have a good time, support the Murphy family, andmost significantly - have a chance to pray together for Ian.The money raised by the concert will go toward buying a portable ramp so that Ian can go more places. Also, the Murphys are looking to buy some new equipment that will help Ian with his physical and occupational therapy.
For those who cannot attend but would still like to make a donation, checks can be written out to Sovereign Grace Church of Indiana Pa1220 Wayne Ave.Indiana, Pa. 15701Memo: Pray for Ian Fund
I'm ready for winter to be over. Ian was sick again in the middle of the night last night. But, once again God has given him much mercy and is allowing him to sleep through any discomfort. Hopefully he'll recover from this bout more quickly.
Ian's therapists were very happy with his work with them today. He was working really hard to respond to their commands and do what they were asking him to do. He seems to be fully recovered from his battle with the stomach flu which is great.
I've been very encouraged lately to continue to pray for Ian to be able to speak. He has communicated to me several times that he wants to be able to speak to us. That's what motivates me the most. Ian knows that he can't talk but he knows that he wants to. God needs to give him the strength and knowledge to be able to ever speak to us again. I know that God is big enough to give him that strength if it's His will.
It seems to me that communication is all that we need. I could care less if the man I marry is in a wheelchair. We just need to be able to talk to each other so that we can move forward with our lives, like everyone else is doing.
Join us in fasting on Wednesday. I'll be praying specifically for Ian's communication.
Still a fever but I"m hoping he can at least get out of bed today. Ian was awake more yesterday than he had been in a couple of days so we got to at least hang out. Hopefully he'll be able to go to therapy this afternoon.
Traumatic brain injury. It still doesn't seem like something that should describe someone in my life. I ran into a co-worker at Walmart today who had never met Ian, and I wondered what she thought when I said "This is my boyfriend, Ian." I wondered what she was saying to her boyfriend as they walked away from us. Was she trying to figure out what was wrong with Ian? Was she guessing what type of illness he had? Was she feeling badly for us?
I was sitting next to Ian's bed tonight looking at this picture of us, wondering if we will ever look this happy again. Life was so easy then. A picture of me smiling at Ruby Tuesday with Ian mockingly imitating my smile. I wonder if we'll ever go on a date where we can have conversation over our meal. Will we ever be able to leave Indiana without a caregiver coming with us? Can we ever take a weekend trip together? Will I ever get a simple voicemail on my phone from Ian again? Will he ever make me a birthday dinner again? Will he ever have a chance to buy that ring that he was shopping for?
There are so many things that I desire to do with Ian again. The simplest things that I always took for granted. Now I'd give anything to do them again.
In Psalm 69:28, the writer's prayer is for retribution on his enemies. "...let them not be enrolled among the righteous." That phrase jumped out at me not because I want the same for my enemies (if I have any) but because despite my status as God's enemy He enrolled me among the righteous. I was the one hating God, and if I had had the power I would have been seeking to destroy God. Still, he enrolled me among the righteous. He put my name in his book allowing me fellowship with God from now till eternity.
I'm grateful for what God has done for me, and I'm grateful that God has done the same for Ian. Ian is enrolled among the righteous, because he placed his confidence not in his own righteousness but in Christ's. That fact is so much more meaningful to me now, for some reason. I was grateful for his faith before the wreck, but it means so much more now. I want somehow to help him, but I know somehow he must still experience that fellowship. I can rest to some degree in that knowledge.
I still want him to talk to us and tell us what he's experiencing.
I was thinking today of something that Ian used to say to me a lot. "I never want to take life too seriously." Ian wanted to be able to have joy in everything, to laugh at himself frequently, and never take himself too seriously. He always wanted to be able to laugh at other people, usually at their expense.
I've tried to live by Ian's example and live that out through this trial. Ian wouldn't want me to take this affliction so seriously that I couldn't laugh at things. And I believe that God is humoring Ian through this. I trust that God is entertaining Ian's thoughts and is bringing things into his life and mind that he can laugh at, because it is something Ian enjoys so much. I'm sure that Ian has many, many, many hilarious stories saved up in his mind that he will write some day. I can only imagine how many secrets people have told him in confidence over the past year and a half while they were visiting him......:)
Concluding, I would give approximately 2 million bucks right now to hear Ian laugh. His laugh is what won my mom over, and it's definitely something that I miss. I'd pay the same amount to see him smile too, which is something that I've been encouraging him to do.
Maybe, just maybe, it will happen tomorrow.........
I have been very encouraged lately to continue in prayer that God would allow Ian to speak words to us. Lately, each night that he sits on the mat, he uses his voice. And it's always when I ask him to. Tonight was the longest that I've ever heard him use his voice and I could tell that he was working so hard. While he was doing it, I was praying that God would please help him to say words. I got so excited thinking that maybe God would answer my prayer right then and Ian would say my name, or his name, or anything reall! I was anxiously waiting for God to answer. He didn't, at least not in a way that I could hear with my ears, but He did allow Ian to speak in the way that he knows how to now.
So let's continue in prayer for God to give Ian use of words again. We have been given so many examples of God answering prayer in Ian's healing process. I read this Spurgeon quote to Ian the other night and we were both encouraged:
"We scarcely open the Bible before we read, "Then began men to call upon the name of the Lord;" and just as we are about to close the volume, the "Amen" of an earnest supplication meets our ear. Instances are plentiful. Here we find a wrestling Jacob—there a Daniel who prayed three times a day—and a David who with all his heart called upon his God.... We have multitudes of commands, and myriads of promises. What does this teach us, but the sacred importance and necessity of prayer? We may be certain that whatever God has made prominent in his Word, he intended to be conspicuous in our lives. If he has said much about prayer, it is because he knows we have much need of it. So deep are our necessities, that until we are in heaven we must not cease to pray. Dost thou want nothing? Then, I fear thou dost not know thy poverty. Hast thou no mercy to ask of God? Then, may the Lord’s mercy show thee thy misery! A prayerless soul is a Christless soul."
Thank you, always. And that simple phrase again: pray for Ian.
Ian had a very busy weekend with a lot of his family visiting. We don't have any major reports- just that Ian continues to work hard in therapy and at eating. My prayer is still that the Lord soon teaches him how to speak again. We just want to communicate with Ian.