Jan 27, 2007

The Strength of My Heart

I miss Ian. My sinful heart is often fearful of what will come of this trial and whether or not Ian and I will be able to spend our lives together. Yesterday was really hard after the meeting with his doctors. I never imagined that Ian would still be in a coma when he came home. But by getting discouraged I am saying that God isn’t able to heal Ian in eight weeks. Nothing about God has changed since our meeting yesterday- He is still completely able to heal Ian. God's power knows no timetable. And even if Ian is in a coma five years from now, I hope to still be praying that God restores him.

I’ve been finding notecards around Ian's room with scripture on them that he was memorizing. I’m at my parents’ house this weekend and while I was doing devotions I found one of Ian’s cards in his Bible with Psalm 73:25-26:

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

This is truth. Reading this scripture in Ian’s handwriting was so moving and encouraging. This is truth that is in Ian’s heart and I believe that he can bring these truths to mind now for comfort. Ian’s flesh and heart may fail him, but God is his strength and his portion forever.

This affliction in itself is sad. How it makes me long for heaven. But we have the indescribable comfort of knowing that no matter what happens to Ian’s physical body, God is his strength forever. We can delight in God and have joy in this sadness because we know there is something greater than this waiting for Ian.

-Larissa

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Larissa,
You don't know me, though we met a few months before Ian's accident. I taught Ian at Co-op (scriptwriting class). I have been so amazed at the creative abilities God gave him, and his use of those talents. Like everyone else, I have been praying for him, and you, and his family and friends, throughout this. You are right, this is so very sad. But, there is something that is glorious and so clearly the working of the Lord. I have been amazed and so inspired by the obvious work of the Lord in your heart, and manifested in your life, as you must come to the end of yourself and rely upon Him, probably hour after hour at times. I have been stunned by the outpouring of love and prayer expressed on this blog. What a testimony to the Lord. You know, Ian was memorizing my favorite scripture verses... the Lord has sustained me through very difficult times with them. I want to encourage you not to give up... not even in the littlest way, the slightest thought ... God is faithful. He hears our prayers. and His answers are nothing short of miraculous at times. He is our King and He will save us. And we can trust Him wholeheartedly. May your wholehearted trust and total abandonment to your King only increase. love, Janet Shilling

Anonymous said...

Larissa,
I am not sure if you know who I am (I don't think we have ever officially met), but you are on my heart often and I pray for you frequently. Thank you for your honesty and for weaving it together on the blog with your growing faith. As we (the church) read your entries, we can see so clearly that God's Spirit is powerfully working in you. Since Ian's accident, I have prayed for you that this trial would be a landmark in your faith, in your walk with God...and not only is it so clear that He is glorifying Himself in your life, but He has built a landmark in His church as well. Only our mysterious God could do such beautiful things out of something that makes us cry so much! May He continue to grant us the spiritual eyes to see the things He is doing outside the realm of the natural.
In closing, I wanted to share Psalm 62:5-7 with you; it was an anchor for me during a hard time early last year:
"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God."
God bless you.
Sara Brode

mike hartnett said...

Praying for you Larissa!

Anonymous said...

Larissa, I cried when I read this a few days ago. I cried with admiration of the faith that the Lord is forming in you and I cried at just the pain of the trial for you. I couldn't put it into words....and realize that I still can't. I am silently standing with you at His throne.....feeling for you as you feel the pain in the suffering. And agreeing with you as you put your trust in His promises of who He is.
Cynthia Haughery