Jan 13, 2014

the littles

"if i were him, i'd just want someone to hold me," steve said, one day, years ago, when ian was still really sick and steve was still alive.

i knew what he meant because in the desperation of ian's condition those first few weeks, months after the accident, there was nothing we could do for ian. except to show him we loved him.

but there was always a bed in the way. and i wasn't strong enough to lift his stiff torso toward me.

or there was always a wheelchair in the way, and he couldn't lean forward so i could get a good wrap in.

so at night, when steve and the care giver would help ian sit up on the exercise mat steve built, i would wait. and sit and wait. and cancel plans because i didn't want to miss that moment. that moment when steve would open the bedroom door and let me know that i could come in and hug him.

i could put my arms all the way around him. because he was sitting on the edge of his exercise mat, nothing behind him.

my torso was holding his up, but i was around him.

and he tried to lift his arm to be around me, too.

and i forget those times, when a hug was all it took to get me through another day. how ungrateful i've allowed myself to become, forgetting that one of the greatest gifts, holding and being held, is right next to me every day.

it's  there and it's so sweet. and he now always  wants to be with his wifey. and when someone starts to pray, he reaches for my hand. and when i sit next to him, his arm wraps my waist. and sometimes he squeezes the extra skin that wasn't there a few years ago and we laugh because he's not supposed to notice but we have changed in these nine years.

God gives us joys in the littles.

He gives us joy when we look for it in the most over-looked movements.

and even though i forget, what a great God there is surrounding me.

tonight, i'm thankful for arms that wrap me into him tight.

15 comments:

Karen Tingen said...

Thank you Lord Jesus for the little things that sustain.

Brianna H said...

I love this so much. Thank you for sharing it.

becky jacobsen said...

You both light up my day like the 4th of July! Praying for you to continue to have the strength for each day. "He who began a good work in you will carry you on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians: 1:6
Godspeed,
Becky Miller Jacobsen

Thandi said...

Thank you for your posts. Such sweet thoughts.

Sarah B said...

Thanks for this reminder. It's something all wives would do well to remember. I needed this.
Love,
Sarah

Anonymous said...

WHAT AN AMAZING STORY I Read from beginning to end, May God grant u grace each day!

Glimpse of crags and clay said...

Ian and Larissa
grateful for the reminder
reminded of Psalm 136 an recalling - his steadfast love endures forever (His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever)

Psalm 136:1
O GIVE thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever.
joe

Sarah said...

Thanks for this, Larissa.

John S. said...

Dear Ian and Lorisa, if only you knew how great an inspiration your lives are! I hesitate to elaborate...knowing that I nor anyone could begin to grasp the intensity, the challenge, the frustrations, and yes, the little joys you live each day. I, like many, could quote you wonderful favorite scriptures in hopes of lightening your load and leveling your path. I've been a recipient too.
And yes, when we are still, God is always there / here for us. Your lives exude who Jesus is. LOVE. Thanks for the privilege to peak in on lives where Jesus is real. Bless you,

Oma danni said...

I always love to tuck my toes (sometimes chilly) under my love's legs at night and just be close. He loves it too!!! So thankful for this little thing.

Anonymous said...

Love reading your blog. I am encouraged by your story and how God is sustaining you. Praying and believing with you.

Laura said...

I like this so much! Thanks for the beautiful reminder. I'm encouraged!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing those beautiful memories with your Ian Larissa♥ It reminds me of when Laurie first came home. I wished that I could hold rock our daughter on my lap. And I remember thinking about a "Jolly Jumper!" But now it is so satisfying to hold both her hands and stroke her arms while I read God's Word to her and Asher before bed. -GRATEFULNESS ABOUNDS!
And Saturday if we get a check in the mail & if I can drive a larger vehicle, then we hope to go see a PT Cruiser for bringing her to church; LORD willing♥ It's over 3 hours each way. Now if we don't get it, God gives me gratefulness even then. ..but I'm EXCITED & HOPEFUL♥♥ --<--<-☼))) ☺
-Leslie Dawn the mom

Elicia Shepard said...

I don't know you guys and I just watched the video of your story. I am speechless.Not only is your story impacting so many, but your commitment to God and your faith astounds and motivates me. Thank you for sharing your blog and your story. I am so happy to have found it and will continue to read and pray for you both.

Jen said...

Thank you for sharing. It's good to get some perspective on suffering and finding joy in the little things. Lately I've been grieving all the little things my husband will never do again, and the big things as well. But when we rejoice always, pray constantly, and give thanks in all circumstances, God does give us joy. God bless, Jen http://postcardsfromtherapy.blogspot.com/2014/02/grief.html