Aug 7, 2012

sometimes, it's embarrassing

i dont know, maybe it's me, but sometimes suffering is embarrassing. when it's prolonged, and so outwardly apparent, and creates so many needs. living through brain injury and brain cancer, and losing someone to brain cancer, and now thinking about a smaller type of cancer, it's another need. another reason for people to pray. another reason for maybe some to think that our faith is too weak. another reason for "i just feel so badly for them." yes, here we are again, friends, needing healing, and relief, and strength. 

i don't know what the Bible says about it. ian would say it's just a feeling. but it's there. and i'm sure we're not the first ones to feel it. so that's probably why i want to say it out loud. and i know that it is good for us to be cared for, and prayed for, and to ask for prayer. and i'm sure that somewhere Jesus can satisfy and heal it. but sometimes, it just sits there in our gut.

as for ian's appointment, it may not be cancer, but they will treat it as if it were. we will be scheduled for two outpatient procedures in pittsburgh, so we will just say overnight at a hotel. they will remove the nearest lymph node and have it tested.

thank you, truly, for praying. even if sometimes it feels, embarrassing:)
i&l

32 comments:

Jennifer Sarookanian said...

Where two or more are gathred God' blessing is commanded!! Healing will be his!!!

A Dusty Frame said...

You are right. It's very hard to need help when you're used to being independent.

I understand! I always wanted to be the one helping rather than needing help. In my case, I was being prideful because I didn't want to need anything. (NOT saying you are--just saying what I discovered about me).

It's also exhausting to go through things for a long period of time.

Don't worry about needing prayer. Those who love you don't think you're embarrassing!
Lizzie
www.adustyframe.com

Anonymous said...

Thank YOU, Larissa.
You and Ian have touched more lives that you will ever know.

Still Praying.

Mary Ann K.

Melinda Viergever Inman said...

Thank you for letting us pray for you, Larissa and Ian. I pray for you often. God reminds me of you frequently.

The people God uses always suffer. Joni Eareckson Tada noted that the more we suffer, the more people we can reach for Christ. As a fellow sufferer, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I'd like to think that I would acquire godly character without suffering and trials, just because I'm such a good Christian person. The mere thought makes me laugh. I'm a sinner.

Pressure is necessary for growth. Suffering refines our character. It makes us into the people God wants us to be. It forms us into the shape he has planned for our lives.

We don't always understand it. It hurts. When you share some of your experiences, I cry. And then, I pray for you. Your story touches hearts. It shows us how large our God is. It motivates us to pray, to see that God is BIG.

We hold onto who He is and who we are in Him. Thank you for sharing your heart and your requests. I am praying now.

Brian Forbes Colgate said...

Dearest Larissa and Ian,

It should only become embarrassing if something were to be very wrong and you had not asked your friends to pray for you.

You two are on my prayer list every day ... now I know something even more specific for which to be praying.

With love and every blessing, always ...
Brian <3

Anonymous said...

Praying!

Caylyn said...

I have never thought- wow I feel so bad for them. I've always thought- wow, they encourage me so much.

Mary Elisabeth said...

I, too, understand the need for constant prayer and new problems. My son, Samuel, has a mitochondrial condition (degenerative). We are constantly needing much prayer and are on a rollercoaster! So sorry to hear of new problems for Ian. We will pray for all of you! Thankful for you and your story! You are both loved and prayed for often. Please remember Samuel in your prayers, too. <3 ...our story: cutliffcrew6@gmail.com

Jan said...

Embarrassing? Definitely not. Faith is week? No way! You two have always been so honest with your feelings, honest with what's going on in life and ALWAYS giving God the glory (even when things are very glummy). You are a testimony to us all. You have such incredible strength, yet know when to ask for prayer (very humbling). The power of prayer is an incredible thing and asking for it is never weak. Praying for you both, for your travels and the two outpatient procedures.

Alex Stratos said...

I don't feel badly for you; I admire you.

I struggle with trusting God with the small, mundane things, and you face mountains without faltering.

Ok - as a human being, I do feel badly, but only in the sense that you've taken on more grief than I can fathom. But it's not pity, and you shouldn't feel embarrassed. You two have a unique opportunity to know and rely on God on a much deeper level. And reaching out to your brothers and sisters in your time of need is a testament to your faith. I believe that's a large part of what God meant the Christian community to exist for. Reaching out for support does not detract from your faith at all; in fact, I think it deepens it.

I am so, so sorry for your pain. But thank you for your courage. Thank you for allowing your journey and your faith to be an inspiration to a total stranger. I found your story, and mine has completely changed.

Praying for you.

Leslie Dawn said...

"For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end;"~Hebrews 3:14 Many are cheering you on though you feel like a gazingstock. You are letting your light shine before men who see your good works & praise God for that light in this dark world☼)))

Becca said...

I know exactly what you mean; I have been there too. Somehow, receiving grace is humbling. But there is good in the recognition of our helplessness because He is our Help--He just lets others be the hands and mouths to administer it. And the giving of grace is a dance: sometimes we receive and other times we give, and there is beauty in both. Grace and peace to you tonight, sister in Christ.

Tammy T. said...

Thank you for so much for sharing. I am praying for you and Ian.

Katy~The Country Blossom said...

Trials and suffering produce character (and patience)! The Creator uses these things to mold and make us...to form us more into His image! :)

God causes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust...it's definitely not about your faith being too weak....although if you feel as if your faith needs to be strengthened, use this as a reminder and work on it! :)

I pray the procedures go well and that they are not cancerous. Please never feel embarrassed. The weaker *we* are, the more we need *His* strength...so His glory is shone through our weakness! It's never (ever,ever) a bad thing to show His glory! :)

Praying for you both!
Warmly,
Katy

Aly said...

Galatians 6:2, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

Think of how many times Paul asked the saints to pray for him. He wasn't embarrassed to admit he had a need :)

Laura said...

i appreciate the honesty of your posts... praying for you all...

Harriet said...

I really want something wise to say, but I can't think of anything other than I will be praying and that I too have felt like this. It must be the something in us that feels like asking for help is a weakness that sometimes applies to prayer as well, and yet, at the same time we also know that sometimes it can take so much courage to spill your story and to tell someone else. Thank you for writing and sharing your life with others, your impact is greater than I think you'll ever know. Harriet

Deb said...

Thank you for your transparency. Your blog really touched me. I'm praying for you...

Maddison Snook said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth @A Little Country House said...

Larissa, never feel embarassed for your needs. ....Anyone of us could be in worse circumstances at any given moment..This life is a vapor, and I feel God is really preparing yall for greatness in His kingdom. It is easy to say that looking from the outside, but sometimes He is speaking from those looking on, the encouragement is of Him, not us....

Julianne Van't land said...

I'm reading a book called The Cure (http://truefaced.com/), and the authors speak about the gracious beauty of being needy. Taking off our masks, letting down our guard and letting go of our posturing. Of falling and failing and admitting it that we might experience the great relief and love of living life with others. I've been so encouraged to speak up and out about my fears and my neediness, knowing that even in the seasons of life where I feel most apart and alone and other, I can cultivate real community, the kind our hearts crave, when I'm honest about how the gospel is wrecking my life. About my disbelief and wonderings and well. so on

And how you cultivate that community here friend! Your simple honesty, your open hands, your questions. Your requests for prayer.

I don't know you or Ian, but I promise I don't feel badly for you. I rejoice with you in this life God's meant for you - trusting his grace is more sufficient and his glory more radiant and his love more powerful than any cancer or illness or accident or doubt or loan payment or busy schedule.

A long time ago a friend encouraged me with this reminder: Every day, at regular hours around the clock, faithful monastics gather to pray through the psalms for their brother and sisters. They pray for those who mourn, for those who rejoice, for those who are awake and sleepless at 3am, for those who are ragged and exhausted at 3pm. They pray for us! And they have been doing it for hundreds of years, binding themselves to the community of believers that span cultures and time. How beautiful to think of our need as a way to bind us together - that even in our doubts and neediness, God's righteousness is on display and his grace pours out.

And perhaps I'm becoming a bit redundant and long winded, but I read your post last night and Larissa, count me as one of those who are hopeful and encouraged by the grace your suffering and endurance reveals!

Tara said...

I was just thinking this the other day. Suffering isn't always "painful." Sometimes its embarrassing and annoying. But because we *all* are in need of God's hand, you know fellow believers are lifting you and Ian up with the rest of our pleas.

Sean McGaughran said...

You two are both such an incredible example in the way you faithfully trust the Lord. Praying for both of you!

Sean McGaughran said...

You guys are both such an incredible example in how you faithfully trust the Lord. Praying for both of you!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you both!

cynthia haughery said...

I will be praying for you both.

Tammie said...

suffering is humbling,
exposing the most private parts
of our hearts and souls.

but it is here,
in our humility,
that God draws near the humble.

God bless you both.

Katy~The Country Blossom said...

Larissa and Ian...I'm stopping by again because I felt it on my heart to share with you this half-hour video of Joni Eareckson Tada that I saw on a blog...you *will* be blessed! I pray you have the time to watch it together!

http://christinalangella.com/2012/08/08/joni-eareckson-tada-id-rather-be-in-this-wheelchair-knowing-him/

In all kindness,
Katy :)

Ginger Wade said...

Standing with you...

ash in hawaii said...

Larissa and Ian,

Thank you for your sincerity of heart and being forthcoming with your vulnerabilities. We all have them, but not all are as brave as you to "say it out loud".

It dawned on me that if Jesus asked for support from his friends during his time of crisis, then we, who are merely clay vessels, should not be ashamed. "Then He said to them, 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.'" Matthew 35:38.

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, allyou who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honest assessment of suffering. I am dealing with a sin-sick husband - not a physically sick one - and let me suggest that physical suffering is less embarrassing (although it's unfair for me to say this because I've not had great physical suffering in my life). I am praying for you. May you be encouraged in Christ as God glorifies himself in your sufferings.

Susie said...

Praying for you all! You have no idea how God has used u both to radically inspire me to keep going in my marriage when I thought it should be over. You have no idea. God bless you! Your an amazing couple whom God is using in ways YOU DO NOT yet see!