how does a house feel empty when it's filled with my husband and all that is our marriage? i sometimes, not always, struggle with that feeling of empty, when it's just the two of us here, no tv making sounds (because we are too cheap to pay for channels!), just the hum of the dryer and the smell of cooking dinner. i know that i just married ian - not his family, or mine, or members of our church. our marriage is, in the most literal form, just me and him. and so it tugs at me when i feel emptiness in our aloneness.
and the more that i search my heart, the more i wonder if this can be true of a "normal" marriage, but also how much more so it may be for us living in disability. ian can't come bursting into the house telling me about his day, or fill the emptiness with piano music, or even wander around the house talking on his cell phone. all the things that seem to give fullness to a home, he can't do.
but i know that this emptiness in our house, while it is truly happening and is a feeling, it's just that - a feeling. it is not reality and it's not where my heart can or will stay. in god, there is fullness of joy. fullness. ian and i are not empty in this house, just as much as we are not full when we are in a crowd. and while it may take years for my heart to default to "feeling" full in the quietness of a brain injury, i think i will get there. i believe in my heart that there is a fullness to be had and experienced in this brain injury. and sweet ian already is there:) like in most things, he's better off than me.
has anyone else experienced this emptiness and how has the lord filled it?
thank you, always, for praying.
p.s. this picture is not actually our house, but wouldn't that be fun????