I had a particularly frustrating day today, where everything from adjusting to full-time work, to finding a back-up wedding site, to paying my first round of bills was mounting up. And it was mounting up on only me because Ian can't do those things. When Ian and I first got to the new house tonight for dinner, I kept finding myself angry or annoyed at him because of his brain injury. I had a million things to do and was bitter at him that he wasn't able to help me with any of it.
But then we took a walk (my only way of keeping Ian around after he said he was bored and wanted to go home), and even as we were walking away from the house I really felt like God was going to teach me something on that walk..
I was convicted about 1,000 times on our walk because of things Ian shared with me but also was freshly encouraged by the idea of mercy.
I remember when one of my greatest prayers was that Ian would be able to speak to me about his feelings for me. I didn't question whether or not he still loved me, but I just wanted to hear it. I wanted to hear him thank me for giving him his medicine or give me a reason of why he likes being with me.
Ian shared so much with me tonight and encouraged me immensely in our decision to get married. As he was sharing his thoughts, I was freshly reminded of how I was witnessing an answered prayer. A prayer that, in that moment, I had forgotten I had ever prayed. It seems as though as soon as Ian regained his speech and started being able to do things like sharing his feelings with me, I all of a sudden moved on to the next thing that I wanted to see happen in him. But God brought me back to mercy tonight. I will forget again and again and again all of the answered prayers. I will continue to forget the gospel when I should be applying it. I will give in again and again to anger with Ian because of his disabilities. But there is mercy. God is rich in mercy. I know that He will bring moments, even brief, of refreshment and encouragement. I know God will give Ian and I great peaks together, even while we are in a very deep valley.
We are so grateful for mercy.
Larissa
12 comments:
This is a beautiful and brutally honest post. My son lived his life in a wheelchair and on life-support equipment. We found ourselves forgetting about all the answered prayer as well in the struggle to care for him. One way we fought that tendency was following the OT model of setting aside "holidays" to celebrate the anniversaries of answered prayer. Even though he is with the Lord now, we still have those days to celebrate and remember specific ways that God intervened in miraculous ways. Dig through your blog, extract the dates for miracles, and stick them in the calendar. From what I've seen following your blog over the years, you will be having a party almost every week with so many answered prayers to celebrate and remember.
Larissa,
Thanks for posting this! It was encouraging and convicting for me to read because I can struggle often with ungratitude and bitterness in my marriage, and my husband IS able to (and does) do the things you mentioned Ian can't. Our sinful hearts can always find something to be ungrateful for. Thanks be to God for His grace and for giving us no lack of things to be grateful for, things we can call to mind in the midst of our temptations.
Last year (Jan. 2009), Sovereign Grace did a regional marriage conference about "Marriage and the Mercy of God." I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned that to you yet, but I bet you could download the messages from the Sovereign Grace website. That's something I should probably do soon, also. I wasn't married at the time but heard from many friends that the messages were outstanding.
Praying for you and still so encouraged by your example.
Michelle from New Attitude :)
Thanks for your encouragement to me this day through sharing your heavy heart. Even though we have never met I sit here with tears; encouraged to read of others who are in love with the same Christ and His Gospel. Life is hard but He has it all figured out. I'm so glad my future is in His hands and not my own!
Crying out to Jesus daily-
Wendy in MD
Great post, Larissa! Thanks for your transparency and humility. This is a great reminder for everyone. We're all doing much better than we deserve. How often we forget. Thank you for the reminder
thanks for this. needed it today. love you guys and praying
bekah
May God bless you both.
Great post, Larissa. I think we are all identifying on some level. I loved what Drew said though. He can identify on levels that I can not. I am convicted by you both.
I see so much beauty and grace in your life.
Cynthia
L and I,
your blog today..is an amazing example of what a gospel driven heart becomes in the hands of our amazing God.
thank you again for lives lived unto the King... and allowing us to witness His mercy in the midst.
jb and mj
Praying for you Larisa, you bring me to tears. Thank you for honoring Jesus & Ian you are amazing. Praying for Ian's healing & for God's grace in you life which is very evident. Hope to meet you someday!!
Another pilgrim walking the path to the celestial city. Cheryl
Hi Larissa,
I can't imagine what you must be going through, but your testimony is really precious. There are so many things in our life that are beyond our control, and it's easy to become focused on them and miss the miracles before us! God is really caring for us in ways that we cannot even realize, but it can be hard to trust in Him blindly in the tough situations.
Lord, increase our faith and help us to trust in You and Your ways.
Praying for you and Ian. May the Lord continue to take you both on in Him. I can tell that you have grown so much spiritually in the past years, so be encouraged! God is doing something both physically and spiritually.
Sounds like you are learning, just as Paul did, to be content where God has you. Keep looking up!
You are such an encouragement, Larissa. Your honesty becomes you and gently reminds the rest of us that we so quickly forget the little prayers God answers daily, even momentarily. It is so wonderful to read how far you and Ian have come. May we not forget the "little blessings" each day brings.
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