Mar 31, 2007
On the way home from Ian's, I was thinking of what I would post tonight. I just read Steve's entry from last night, and I think maybe we're all learning similar things right now.
I don't know if I'll ever talk to Ian again. That thought has been causing me a lot of struggles in the past few days. Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke that the person that I enjoy the most in this world can't communicate with me right now. I just want a glimpse of what my future is, so that I can prepare my heart for a life with Ian as his wife, for a life as someone who comes to visit him, or for whatever role God has for me in Ian's life. I often feel like my future is way less certain than it was before September 30 just because it isn't happening as I planned it.
But God's grace is abundant and in His grace He kindly reminds me that absolutely nothing about my future has changed since the accident. The certainty of mine and Ian's future being good is just as sure now as before. I'm just now more aware that life doesn't always go how we plan it to go. But I know that even if I had the choice, I couldn't choose the perfect future for me anyway- only God in His wisdom can.
So I find myself in the same place as Steve, and Mary, and the boys, and Ian as well- living by the light of His word. Taking one step at a time. I can't imagine what it would've been like if I had known this accident was coming. God revealed it to me in His perfect timing. He will continue to do the same in my future.
Please continue to pray for Ian's right eye. We haven't seen him keep his eyes open for more than a few minutes in the past few days because they're bothering him so much.