it's active

"ian, we're being given a car for free. should we sell ours or give it away too?"

"we have to give it away."

he's a profoundly solid and simple leader. because of that, it's usually a joy to follow his direction. especially when it came to the car. he knew that because we were being blessed with a car for free, that we could in turn bless someone else just as much. i might not have made that decision on my own. or, i could have just not told him, and made the decision myself.

that's where being married to a husband with a brain injury relies solely on the work of the Holy Spirit in my heart. it is tempting to just make decisions, spend money, or do things without telling ian. i could get away with a lot. he's not paying attention to the details, simply because he can't. unless i, being his helper, bring those things to him, and allow him to lead me.

"wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." - Ephesians 5:22.

submission for me is so clearly an action. i need to bring things to ian. he has given me the trust and confidence that i need to make some decisions on my own, like good husbands do. i don't have to take everything to him. however, when i asked ian for an example of what that looks like, he gave me about 14 fake and sarcastic examples. so, he's not allowed to get a quote on the blog tonight. :) but truly, for example, ian doesn't care what i make for dinner, because he says that what i make is always good.

what does matter though is that i try to cultivate a heart of submission, even though it doesn't look like submission in a lot of other marriages from the outside. but i think the heart issue is probably still the same. and i am so thankful that the Holy Spirit dwells in me, because without, i would make a terrible mess of our marriage and we would probably be broke.

so tonight i'm thankful that i have a God who lives in me and in our marriage.

thank you, always, for praying.
larissa

weekend

This weekend was for great memories. Working at a bank isn't so bad when it means being closed on national holidays.

Summer has made it to our little town so we are taking it in at the local pool.

This weekend also meant new life, as we met our newest niece, Scarlett Murphy. Watching Ian hold her is just the best.

Now it's back to reality! Looking forward to getting some new posts u throughout the week.

Thank you always for praying.

I&L

he loves simply

she packed us a picnic of lemon water and milk in the glass bottles that were his birthday gift. it was a coupon to redeem for a picnic, meal of our choice, date and time of our choice. and so being date night, we stopped at our mother in law's house for our basket filled with chicken salad sandwiches, brownies and milk - at Ian's request.

the sky was teasing us with passing dark clouds and so we opted for the park with a nearby pavilion. we took just one out of the basket at a time, just in case we had to pack up quickly.

after an hour of watching the clouds, and eating and talking, we decided to risk it and settled on a blanket under a strong and sprawling tree.

i wanted to capture the moment and so i brushed past ian laying on the blanket, looking back at the tree as i walked.

"you look beautiful in that skirt."

after a quiet thank you i snapped a picture, a smile behind the hands holding the phone. i walked back over to the blanket, laying next to him, smiling yet.

"i can't believe i'm so blessed to have such a beautiful wife."

noticing i was cold, he pulled the blanket up over my shoulder, simply loving me.

i turned onto my back, looking up at the huge tree, and smiled. i smiled because God knew exactly what my heart needed that night. and he softened my heart as he softened ian's, and gave us a sweet and beautiful moment of feeling so deeply the joy of being loved, by each other and by our Father.

in a nagging week that had "brain injury" running through my thoughts too many times, there was peace and a moment of rest. and tonight, after work and spending time with our little man paladin, i told ian i was tired.

"you just need to sit down and rest for awhile."

and so we will rest, as the white curtains on our patio shift in the breeze and the little birds enjoy the new food in their feeders. there's a tea pot on the stove waiting for water and a husband ready to just sit with his wifey.

thank you, always
i&l

blessed

"blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test of time he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." james 1:12

ian said that it's hard to see now that "blessed is the man," because this suffering doesn't always feel like blessing. but of the following words in the verse, ian said "it makes me anxious for heaven, because i have a hope. and that's a really good thing. The same desire might not be there if I didn't have a brain injury."

on sunday our pastor shared a word on how many in the body of Christ are fighting to bless God through tears and sickness and suffering, and what magnificent glory that brings to Him. in my heart this week at church was sin churning, unbelief, discouragement. my mind is filled with the "what ifs,"the "if onlys," the "i can't write on this blog, i'm a mess!" and the "please, God, just do this one thing." but if i choose to not bless the Lord nor trust in His goodness, then my only other option is to curse Him. and how could i, when i see all that He has done, through the cross alone. the rest of this, along with our salvation, is grace. and we want to choose to bless, no matter how impossible it feels. and through those battles, the Holy Spirit comforts us and shows us peace and helps us to say, 'bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits." 

we are so excited for heaven. we may be crawling by the time we get there, but it will be so very worth it.

love

i&l

home

when i asked ian what i should write about tonight, he said "why you love living here." what a good suggestion, because i have been thinking a lot this weekend about how much i love our little rental home. and how home is such a good thing, that somehow satisfies a tiny bit of our greater longing for heaven. as i write this, we're enjoying a beautiful warm breeze on our porch, ian sitting comfortably with his legs up. a moment of rest for us both. devon is mowing our grass. the birds are shuffling from the clothesline to the trees above. our flatmate is quietly inside. and i love it.

creating a home is such a blessing. for me, it's one part of our lives that i can somewhat control. the decorating, the colors, the mood that it creates, are all controllable for the most part. God frees us to create homes here that we love, where we feel comfortable, where we feel Him. 

i'm thankful for our little 50s ranch house, with the big yard and porch that have created tons of memories with our friends and families. i'm grateful that Agnus who lived here before us planted beautiful flowers that still bloom and put hooks all around the porch where i can string my lights and curtains. i'm thankful that our first two years together have been spent here, on our quiet little street, tucked in by pine trees. and i'm grateful that this is but a mere shadow of what our home in heaven will feel like. now we see in part.

always,

larissa

our little ones

there are few things in life better than being an aunt. or an uncle. we're so fortunate to have five little ones under the age of three, with number six joining us any day now. it's especially fun to watch our oldest nephew because he's so much like ian. and they are hilarious together. if paladin doesn't want ian's arm around him, he says so. if ian wants some of paladin's food, he says so. they're both very particular and very vocal about those opinions, but in the best way.

ian loves being with all of our little squirts and on saturday we will celebrate our youngest nephew's first birthday. each of them is a gift.

thankful for family. and that tomorrow is friday:)

larissa

"blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." james 1:12

to ian, he said that it's hard for him to see now that 'blessed is the man.' it's hard to see that blessedness in his life. how clearly the scripture leads us to ian's eternal reward - 'he will receive the crown of life.' nothing more is needed.

thank you for praying

an ordinary day. An extraordinary god.

over the past 12 hours, our story has been watched more than 86,000 times. this is astounding. and to ian in particular, it is worth it: "i would do this (disability) all over again if i knew it would affect this many people. god is glorious."

and so here we are, knowing that literally thousands of people just today have hopefully somehow seen god through our marriage. that in itself is mind-blowing. because it is so not of us. we are so very ordinary. tonight is so very ordinary. ian is napping. the rain is pouring outside and the washer downstairs is spinning. the poor clothes in the washer probably won't get switched until I get home from work tomorrow. and by that time, they'll need to be re-washed. i can't see the floor of our bedroom, our laundry completely taking over. i'm putting off making dinner, even though all it requires is putting leftovers on a plate and into the microwave.

and yet, in the midst of this ordinary, the weight of what has happened today through this video and what will continue to happen pummels me. it pummels me because what god is accomplishing through our afflictions is happening at the same time that we are sinning. What a great divide that crosses. What wretched sinners Ian and I are, and yet somehow, He uses us to magnify himself. Our sin does not prevent god's glory on display.

on days like this, we get just a glimpse of this promised eternal weight of glory, as undeserved as it is, and it is enough to bring us to our knees. how great this weight will be in heaven!

one thing that we love and hold so close on days like this is that our dad, steve, now feels and knows that weight of glory. he prepared us so well and we can't wait to see him again. one of the biggest impressions on my heart the few days after he died was that he was seeing fully. and that he would encourage us to press on, because it is beyond worth it.

thank you, all. in the words of my dear husband, god is awesome.

i&l

Why Do I Go To Work?

She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. - Proverbs 31:13

One of the hardest parts of my days is waking up while Ian is still asleep, entirely covered by our white down comforter. The birds are chirping outside, telling me to get back into bed and hold my best friend's hand. But I can't. I have to get his meds ready, get our lunches ready, leave notes for our caregivers, and leave at 7:00 a.m. to not be late.

And the kiss good-bye is the saddest. My heart is to be home, finishing the laundry, cleaning (I would probably get over that really fast), decorating, making a meal to deliver to someone, planning a menu, raising babies. I wish that I could still be in bed as Ian gets ready for work. But instead each morning so far, Lord willing, I have given him that kiss good-bye, and try to remind myself that I'm going to work for two main reasons - because I love God and I love my husband.

It would be easy as a young wife to think that it's wrong for me to work. Not because anyone has ever said it or even implied, but because when given the option, many of my girlfriends have chosen to stay home with their babies or until babies arrive. It can be a lonely feeling facing a career when few other women that I interact with each day are at work 40 hours a week, or in a corporate environment at that.

I love my job and the provision it has been. But I wouldn't choose a career, I don't think.  I did choose to marry Ian, though. And so even on the days that are the hardest to leave, there has to be joy knowing that I'm doing the work that God has called me to. Maybe someday I will stay home and raise babies, or work from home. But for now, I have to continue to fight to be thankful and remind myself that for me to walk out Proverbs 31 means high heels and a corporate title.

More to come on this topic later:)

Thank you for praying.

Larissa

sunday night

this weekend was for rest. grateful to have a weekend full of my best friend.

and then a sunday to think about the two best moms in the universe.

Our Desiring God Posts

We wrote a few posts on Desiring God. If you didn't have a chance to read them, you can go to their homepage, www.desiringgod.org.

Happy Saturday!

and be thankful

i'm thankful that it's the end of the work week and it is 70 degrees. i'm thankful that i can hear our wind chimes on the clothes line and that i have an hour alone with an iced drink in my hand. and even though i have had laundry sitting in my washer since tuesday (anyone remember that post??), i'm thankful that my husband doesn't really care if the clothes are washed. 

thankful for my God who created rest.

happy weekend. 

"And He is full of grace. Ah! had He not been, I should never have been saved. He drew me when I struggled to escape from His grace; and when at last I came all trembling like a condemned culprit to His mercy-seat, He said, Thy sins, which are many, are all forgiven thee: be of good cheer.'

And He is full of truth. True have His promises been; not one has failed. I bear witness that never servant had such a master as I have; never brother such a kinsman as He has been to me; never spouse such a husband as Christ has been to my soul; never sinner a better Saviour; never mourner a better comforter than Christ hath been to my spirit. I want none beside Him. In life He is my life, and in death He shall be the death of death; in poverty Christ is my riches; in sickness He makes my bed; in darkness He is my star, and in brightness He is my sun; He is the manna of the camp in the wilderness, and He shall be the new corn of the host when they come to Canaan.

Jesus is to me all grace and no wrath, all truth and no falsehood: and of truth and grace He is full, infinitely full. My soul, this night, bless with all thy might the only Begotten.'"

-charles spurgeon

Wow

Another day, and still amazed at what God has produced with this video. As I write this, our video has been played 305,000 times. We have been blessed to hear from so many kind people and it makes us look forward to heaven even more.

Thank you, all, for praying.

a tiny glimpse

The below video is a little glimpse into our lives, by Desiring God, a ministry led by John Piper that has had an enormous impact on the way we view suffering. Here also is a link to the video and a letter as well.

From Caleb

the below post is from our brother, caleb murphy. caleb spends forty hours each week helping ian, and so he has gained a pretty up-close view of ian as a husband:

As a husband, I want to be strong for my wife. I want her to see me as a man in the same vein as Maximus Aurelius from Gladiator; a persistent and strong leader with good intent. In reality, I’m more like a child in middle school who’s trying to impress a girl but continually cracks under pressure.

But how can Ian, a crippled man who’s been stripped of many physical and mental capabilities, be this type of man for his wife?

Well, the most important aspect of service to your wife is soul-protector. How did Jesus best serve the church? By redeeming and caring for the church. He gave himself up for the church so that “he might sanctify her” (Eph. 5:25-26). He gave himself up “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27). Husbands are supposed to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25).

We cannot save people from damnation, but we can care for them. So, the best way a husband can serve his wife is by caring for her spiritual condition and seeking her sanctification. This is the most obvious way Ian serves Larissa, and he does it well.

Ian’s joyfulness and complete reliance on God seem to bring encouragement to Larissa, not to mention his quickness to bring God back to the center of things. Ian portrays faith like it should be portrayed: as common sense. God is good and that’s the truth, even to a man in Ian’s condition.

This should reposition my focus in marriage. The most important aspect of protecting, caring and providing for my wife is spiritual. Even if I were handicapped, unable to walk by myself, and relying on her for everything, the weight of her soul on my heart should be heavier than any other burdens I might have.

I should be more like Ian, because Ian serves his wife like Jesus serves his church.

 

Why I Love Uncle Ian

"i love uncle ian. just for fun."