Nov 26, 2012

fraudulent


"you shouldn't have said that today, maybe that sounded harsh, you're assuming a heart motive, that's not believing the best of that person, you're angry again, you're inpatient again," the voices in my heart and in my head drone on all day.

eventually my body sits to write - to be the means of a story God has written that has nothing to do with myself.

a calendar with dates for talking to people in public, at retreats, conferences - who am i to have this place?

my sins rattle throughout my brain all day and tell me that this is fraud.

that this experience, this public story we're telling, is not worthy of being told by me. that my sin somehow cancels out anything God would do through us.

that this husband, so sweet and foundational should have more than this sinning wife.

"the Lord your God is in your midst; a might one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing." - zephaniah 3:17

my God still rejoices over me. he will quiet me.

so humbly and dependently we make our way.

"Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still"

9 comments:

Jenny Detzel said...

Oh Larissa....
You are no fraud. You are honest. We all - called to difficult service, have said and thought horrible things too. Do you know anyone that writes, speaks, teaches or preaches that is sinless? That will be in eternity, my dear.

Second Chance - Rend Collective Experiment

~My future hangs on this
You make preciousness from dust
Please don't stop creating me

Your blood offers the chance
To rewind to innocence
Reborn, perfect as a child

CH -
Oh Your cross, it changes everything
There my world begins again with You
Oh Your cross, it's where my hope restarts
A second chance is Heaven's heart

When sin and ugliness
Collide with redemption's kiss
Beauty awakens by romance

Always inside this mess
I have found forgiveness
Mercy as infinite as You

Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross
Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross

Fragments of brokenness
Salvaged by the art of grace
You craft life from our mistakes

Black skies of my regrets
Outshone by this kindness
New life dawns over my soul

Praying daily for you....

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to encourage you with something I read in a book by Paul David Tripp:

It is not your weakness that will get in the way of God's working through you, but your delusions of strength. His strength is made perfect in our weakness! Point to His strength by being willing to admit your weakness.

Praying for you!

Rhonda said...

I have felt this way...I'm glad you are pressing on anyway...feeling a fraud or not, to do as HE has asked you in writing and sharing your story. I've only recently learned of your blog and I relate to your words. Your story touches me because God is touching you and the way you respond is exciting and inspiring. It inspires me w/ my own story that HE is writing (though it will never be in book form). We are all frauds if we think we are more than sinners rescued by this awesome Savior! You are not a fraud, though...you know who you are in Christ. Keep writing!

Oh, and I have started praying for Ian and because of reading about your Wed. fast day, I was inspired and even lead, to take a day of fasting as well. Yesterday was my day. :)

Hugs to you from Arkansas.

Seda said...

Dear Larissa,

I am but one among the cloud of witnesses who is cheering and praying for you.

My husband preached from Psalm 33 last Sunday and drove home this one point: The upright and righteous ones are NOT ones who lack sin in their lives. They are those who hope in the steadfast love of the Lord. These he promised to deliver; these he promised to watch over. Cast your eyes on him, hope in his steadfast love, as you think and live and write. Much love to you, dear friend.

Anonymous said...

Well said Seda!~LeslieD

Anonymous said...

I love your writing style Rissa. Love your transparency & easy flow. And I love You.
Aunt Lori

Anonymous said...

Our grief over sin is evidence that God is faithful, and that he loves us enough to teach us with intimate care.

"For when our hearts were far away, your love went further still."

Kay Evelyn Krakoski said...

Larissa, you humble me as I read your bog. Your book - your story of love - will be an inspiration to all who are fortunate enough to read it. I for one, can't wait!

Kay E.

Anonymous said...

I struggle with the same things, even the devil tempting me that I'm not saved. I literally have to press on and believe in FAITH that Jesus brought me out of my past life of sin and I am now saved. I always work on taking my thoughts captive. I love the verse- Even if our hearts condemn us, God is bigger than our hearts. I even had to live through an important church person telling me I serve another master. That took a year to recover from but I know JESUS intimately. He speaks to me and took me out of a life of practicing sin. Keep fighting the good fight of faith. I don't want satans lies to defeat me.