Apr 22, 2012

I have a brain injury, too

On Friday after work, it was warm in the 70s, the end of the day was on my mind followed by two more work-less days. Driving home with the windows down, I watched as people were jogging, playing tennis, sliding down the homemade slip-n-slide outside their college apartments. My desires to "do something" were growing. And I was so glad to not be at work.

But then I got home and saw Ian sleeping, so tired from his cold, and not able to go for a run with me. Or even a walk. And his disability again freshly became mine. And I had to try to fight to let my desires to go out and enjoy something die.

This is what it's like to be married to someone with a tbi. I imagine it's the same for someone who is chronically sick, or has special needs, or who is dying. Their sickness becomes their spouses sickness. I have a brain injury, just like Ian. Because when we became one flesh, I gained his sorrows. Just as Jesus was a man of sorrows and has shared in them with us, I share them with Ian. And while it is a gift of marriage, it is painful and sad.

We could probably write a whole book on this topic alone. Because it changes everything about our life, even mine. But Jesus knows it more deeply than us, and if we can just rest there, we will be filled.

Thank you, always

Larissa

14 comments:

Melinda said...

You articulated it so well - the caretaker does take on the disability. In some ways I expected it, but in other ways, it still surprises me.

abbi said...

I don't get tired of reading what you write.

Love from a friend who has never met.

Leslie Dawn said...

It's always helpful to remember you're a threesome. I remember that poem "Marriage Takes Three" But I know what your talking about Larissa. When you are a care-giver to a family member especially a spouse. And to others in the body of Christ. "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."~Matthew 10:39

Lora said...

Larissa, you don't know me, but I just found your blog through a Desiring God link. This particular post is so beautiful, and so very, very true. While our situations are different, my husband received a TBI during treatment for brain cancer and has since passed away, the feelings you express here were/are mine. So beautifully and expressively written. I am praying for you, maybe in a way that most people can't. I pray God will pour out His love and blessings on you right now.

Amy (Amanda) said...

Larissa,
I found your blog through the Desiring God site. I'm praising God for giving you and Ian such a deep and committed love. I know it must be hard, so hard... as all incredible things in this life seem to be. I am praying for you to have peace and patience and support, and for Ian to be able to walk. Thank you for your encouaraging and convicting example. So much love in Christ, Amanda

Carolyn said...

I found this blog through my neice's post on facebook, which wasn't meant for me at all, but I too can appreciate this. As I can only pray that I become more and more into God and allow him to direct me the way you and Ian have been directed, would only hope to lesson the difficulties I tend to marrying (and choosing to marry as you did after the injury) a man with disabilities. Yes, we take on the disability too. I too have that I want go and do, but then who can I go and do with when my partner is sleeping. I try to maintain for the kids sake but there are days I just don't want to maintain at all. However, I was so inspired by your blog I will continue to read for inspirtation and support. Thanks and wishing you the very best!

practicingjane said...

This post in particular is so beautiful. Your story is truly life-touching and God-honoring. Thank you for being who you are and loving the way you do. I'm sharing the link on my blog and joining in prayer for you both. To Him be glory forever. Much, Bethany

Jen said...

Larissa,
I am so incredibly thankful to have viewed your video and found your blog. My husband had a stroke last year at age 37. To hear you articulate what I have experienced is so encouraging - that he is not the only who experienced the stroke, but I feel as if it happened to me as well, because we are one.

It's hard to separate what has been self-pity, and what has been genuine grief and sadness over what has happened to my husband. I still love him so dearly - maybe even more than I ever did before - but he's not "the same" as he used to be in a lot of ways. And that is so sad for me. But he's alive, and I'd rather have him here, even if a little different, than to have lost him.

Now, more than ever, I know that, no matter what we go through here on earth, Jesus has to be enough. And He IS enough. It's just hard for me to remember that from time to time.

I'm so glad to "meet" you and I intend to devour your blog, because I'm sure I can relate to much of what you've been through.

I will pray for you and your husband - will you please pray for us as well? In addition to the return of the use of his arm, my husband truly needs a revival, a new dose of joy in his walk with the Lord.

God bless!

Visit my blog some time, if you wish, although I'm not finding as much time to keep it up as I'd like: http://postcardsfromtherapy.blogspot.com

Dana Brown Ritter said...

Oh Larissa, I am crying I can so relate to this post. My husband is a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the chest down.

"I" have a spinal cord injury.

And you're right, it does change everything. But it doesn't change Jesus!

Sean and Lisa said...

Larissa,
Your sacrificial love so blesses me!What a beautiful picture of Christs' love. This post spoke to me deeply. As a mom of 5 special needs children I struggle with not being able to do like others and living my life sacrificially with these ones God has gifted me with. Thank you for your vulnerability an wisdom.
Much love and prayers,
Lisa

Bennance said...

May I link to this post and quote it? I write for ChosenFamilies.org, a blog for families who live with a member with hidden disabilities. I think the community there would be powerfully moved by this. I know I was. My husband suffered a brain injury eight years ago, and this post ministered to me so much. Thank you!

Ashley said...

Wow. Enough said; well written. I completely understand.

Ashley said...

Wow. Enough said...and well written. Thank you for allowing God to use you in this manner. Thank you for your openness, your candidness and your faithfulness to this calling. The Lord will never put on you (or us) more than you can bare...stay close to Jesus. You, He and Ian are one. :)Ecclesiastes 4: 11, 12.
Praying for you & Ian.

Jenni B said...

you were able to articulate into words...
the deepest gnawing ache in my heart and in my marriage...
Even "whole" people are not completely whole as we ought to be....we all have our foot in a paint bucket.
That is because we are all flawed by the fall and sin...
and too often we enter the covenant of marriage saying for better or worse, but we resent the worse and then resent the marriage.
Today during my quiet time there Lord really showed me...just as I ache when my husband aches...Jesus aches with us. That thought..captured and quieted in my mind, brought me peace.
You are loved and prayed for by a great cloud of witnesses....