steps

research alternative therapies. make him more independent in his eating. find more things for him to do during the day. work on recall. remind him of the date. the things that race through my mind, often filling me with guilt, that i'm not doing more, not taking on more, for ian. i know i can only do so much in a day on my own, but couldn't i fit in a few more? therapists and doctors would say, have said, that i can and should. am i giving ian the best chance to get better or have i become complacent in his condition now? what more can i be doing, should be doing. not new thoughts or guilts, but ongoing, nagging. they aren't all wrong - as ian's wife, primary caregiver and advocate, these are my responsibilities. but there are priorities. like reading god's word together. having times of rest. dates. 

and so when i get glimpses that maybe i am helping him and that maybe i am doing something right, it is beautiful. last night as we walked from the bedroom to the kitchen table, caleb under his left arm and me moving his bad leg forward, it struck me. he didn't need a prompt to keep his legs moving. he didn't need me to tell him how to walk. he used to, but not now. he was taking steps. leaning on his brother, he was taking steps on his own accord. and even his bad leg was doing more. he was walking fast, and strong. what a beautiful reprieve - something is changing and something that we are doing is working.

thank you for your prayers.