how does a house feel empty

how does a house feel empty when it's filled with my husband and all that is our marriage? i sometimes, not always, struggle with that feeling of empty, when it's just the two of us here, no tv making sounds (because we are too cheap to pay for channels!), just the hum of the dryer and the smell of cooking dinner. i know that i just married ian - not his family, or mine, or members of our church. our marriage is, in the most literal form, just me and him. and so it tugs at me when i feel emptiness in our aloneness.

and the more that i search my heart, the more i wonder if this can be true of a "normal" marriage, but also how much more so it may be for us living in disability. ian can't come bursting into the house telling me about his day, or fill the emptiness with piano music, or even wander around the house talking on his cell phone. all the things that seem to give fullness to a home, he can't do.

but i know that this emptiness in our house, while it is truly happening and is a feeling, it's just that - a feeling. it is not reality and it's not where my heart can or will stay. in god, there is fullness of joy. fullness. ian and i are not empty in this house, just as much as we are not full when we are in a crowd. and while it may take years for my heart to default to "feeling" full in the quietness of a brain injury, i think i will get there. i believe in my heart that there is a fullness to be had and experienced in this brain injury. and sweet ian already is there:) like in most things, he's better off than me.

has anyone else experienced this emptiness and how has the lord filled it?

thank you, always, for praying.

larissa

p.s. this picture is not actually our house, but wouldn't that be fun????

happy thanksgiving

praying for a holiday weekend filled with mercy and comfort.

a normal day

over the past few months, several of you have asked through comments for us to share what a normal day is like. i'm not sure why we haven't, but here it is:) obviously, this doesn't encompass everything like grocery shopping or getting ian's lunch ready each night, but hopefully it's a good glance inside. ian's schedule has changed pretty significantly this fall, as we have taken a break from therapy, so this is what "normal" looks like - at least for now.

ian's brother, caleb, comes each morning at six while i'm getting ready for work (in marketing at a local bank) - he covers the gap from when i leave to when our full-time caregiver comes. at eight when our caregiver arrives, he and ian go to mary's house to use the shower (ours at our rental is not accessible), eat lunch, and work-out. ian then usually has about two hours to spend in the office with vinegar hill, who just recently moved their offices from our home to space nearby. (you'll be hearing more of VH in upcoming posts, but it is a company that ian and his best friend david started their last semester of college, the year of ian's accident).

after time in the office, caleb comes back at 4:00 for the overlap again between when our caregiver leaves and when i come home. and once i'm home, i try to make life as "normal" as possible. we have dinner together, have a quiet time, watch "family ties," etc typical life stuff. caleb and ian usually go swimming one or two nights a week, and we try to walk each night (the photo above is ian walking tonight). a few nights each week we end up being with friends or the murphy's, with tuesday our official "date night."

we hope to be giving more glimpses into a typical day, but for now hopefully this is just a good idea of our run at normality.

thanks for reading and always praying for us. and for not being bored of us yet:)

with love,

i&l

Change is Good

Ian and I have been talking about how we can change the blog to better serve our readers and those faithfully praying for us. Over the past five years, the blog has morphed significantly - initially set up as a way to update our friends and family on the constant changes to Ian's immediate health right after the accident, we now don't have many medical updates or big progress posts. We've entered into a new style of life, one that without a miracle, will become and has become the new normal. With that, we feel that the messaging of our blog has changed and will continue to change, hopefully without losing sight of the gospel or the reason that most of you visit the blog - to simply pray for ian.

Where we see the blog taking us for the next few months and if the lord allows, the next few years, is to really be able to share with our readers what it looks like to live in the midst of a significant disability at a young age and what it means as a christian to live that every day. and, more importantly, to not just live it, but to share the battle to see the beauty and grace that encompasses a life (and marriage ) disabled. we know that our blog already has expressed this in some ways, but we want to be more intentional in what we share and how we share it.

The first addition is a new daily gratefulness list, which is a right-link as a flickr photo stream. We know that daily thanking God for all of his blessings is critical in fighting against bitterness in the face of suffering. colossians 3:15 says it best - "and be thankful."

We also have some exciting ideas and really great things coming up the first of the year to share with everyone.

More importantly, we want each of you, our readers, to know that you have played a role in our lives that we won't fully understand until we reach heaven. in ian's words, "thank you."

We are grateful and continue to pray for grace to humbly share our lives/struggles/joys with you.

with love

i&l

The gospel

our marriage could not exist outside of the gospel. i know what my heart goes through in a day. 'The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. (Genesis 6:5 ESV). we could not recover from our worst days without the gospel, and our good days would be empty.

thankful today for the gift of jesus' death and the hope of heaven that it incurred.

lm

Beautiful morning walk to the office. We are loving fall.

Please pray today that ian would have a big view of god.

Thank you always
I & L