he notices

ian had just gotten to the table, and i was standing at the counter working on dinner. he started a conversation,

"what are you doing"

"working on dinner"

"no, on your phone"

"oh, just emailing somebody"

then i had to walk over and give him an excited hug. "you can see me. and you can tell that i'm on my phone. and you're asking me what i'm doing."

in a non-brain injury relationship, that exchange wouldn't happen. it probably wouldn't be that exciting that your husband asked what you were doing. but for us - it's huge. sometimes i'm not sure that ian can even see me. he has one crazy eye from the accident that isn't normally in line with his left, and we've always been puzzled now by his eyesight. my typical test when he says he's looking at me - "is my hair up or down?" or "what color is my shirt?" He sometimes gets it right, but he also sometimes gets it wrong.

so as i was standing on the other side of the kitchen from him, his question took me back to the hospital rooms, back to the therapists comments, that he needed to initiate more, needed to be aware of his environment. and he is. he doesn't always ask those questions - but when he does, it is so sweet.

and these are the types of moments that are beauty in our marriage. we don't have moments of ian surprising me with cleaning the house, or making dinner, or planning a special date night. he can't serve me by setting the mouse traps in the attic or setting up the christmas tree. so our joy is added to in these little glimpses of mercy and little glimpses of ian's care for me - which really aren't that little for someone like ian.

grateful today that he notices me.

thank you, always,
larissa