May 10, 2011

open your eyes so you can see the road

is what i found myself saying to ian tonight as he drove his wheelchair on our walk. it was meant simply as a reminder to open his squinting eyes just enough to see the road that he needed to drive on. the asphalt itself wasn't that pretty and we had to watch a few potholes. but the beauty around it was clear- a big green field, full trees, dandelions along the edge of the road.

in that moment, i realized that i needed to do in my heart what i was telling ian to do with his wheelchair. it was a particularly hard day, with words like plateau and baseline thrown in to a conversation about ian's progress (or lack of) and i found myself thrown into spiraling thoughts, fearing ian's future, fearing physical decline, fearing that i won't be able to give my husband what he needs. and while i was thinking of all of those things, i had my eyes closed to anything beautiful. before we left for our walk, i told ian that i needed to see god. i needed to see him in way that would refresh my thoughts that god is still here and god still makes beauty in the midst of our ugly mess. i needed to have my eyes opened to the beauty that was around the road, not the road itself. the beauty that was ahead of the road, not the potholes that we had to steer around.

it is so so hard to see beauty when i'm surrounded by nature that is groaning for the return of the lord. it's so hard to see beauty when i'm being told that my husband won't get any better. but it has to be in there somewhere. somewhere.

thank you for your constant prayers for ian. tomorrow we see the surgeon for a consultation on his knee. please pray that we would make a good decision in faith that god will provide for us.

l (&i)

8 comments:

E said...

Praying for both of you, Larissa, and trusting both of you to the One Who loves you best and loves you most.
Elaine

sandy said...

Well said little sister. I pray God will open your eyes to the beauty you create; though your words, your never ending assurance of The Light even on the blackest of nights, though your contagious laughter, your unwavering love of your man. God has gifted you with the ability to create beauty out of ordinary stuff and the extraordinarily grim side of life.
Thank again for sharing your heart.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you both, Larissa and Ian. God is there; He loves you and "has plans for you for good." Thank you, Larissa, for the reminder to us all to see His beauty and to listen to His voice.
-JR

Anonymous said...

Lord please help this dear young couple. Please give them some sort of encouragement tomorrow. Help them to know daily that you care deeply for them and understand fully the hard road You have placed ahead of them to travel together as husband and wife. Keep all of our eyes looking up to You and not down at the ugly pot holes of sin and sadness which can rob our souls of joy and cause us concern and worry.

We are in need of You, Jesus.

Praying for you both.
Wendy in MD

Lucie said...

Is this the new doctor who's suggesting that Ian has reached his limit of progress? Doctors have been wrong before in Ian's case, as we all know....

I wonder if some of your other readers would be interested, as I would, in knowing something about what a typical day looks like for you two.

Leslie Dawn said...

I noticed how Laurie smiles really big, without really seeing & understanding clearly ...Well God reminded me of 1 Corinthians 13:12 I then thought of God enjoying me smiling at Him. So I smiled really Big at Him & my day was so blessed, like Laurie's is when she smiles at me. Neat huh!"In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6

Leslie Dawn said...

(That comment was for this "open your eyes so you can see the road"
one.)

Wendy Glosser said...

Thank you for sharing this with me. I suspect we may never meet this side of Heaven but I do pray for you and Ian. I really really needed this today.