hope deferred makes the heart sick
being married hasn't made me less sad. and i dont think i expected it to. it's actually made me more sad. i remember leading up to our wedding, i felt my sadness changing from an inward "look at everything that happened to my life and to ian's life" to a deeper understanding and feeling of what ian had lost himself. as i grew closer to being his wife, and now after six months as his wife, i still have selfish sadness but i have much more sadness for ian and the life the he lost, the abilities that he lost and the future that he lost. i see much more closely every day how that horrific accident on september 30 changed his life forever. in an instant. i truly can't imagine thirty years of growing sadness, but if we live that long, our sadness will multiply. but so also will our longing for heaven and that is what gives us hope, even if our hearts are sick. i can't wait for ian to get there and i pray that he gets there first. i'm just so glad jesus died for us.
(tomorrow we have our first visit with a new doctor in pittsburgh that will hopefully lead to better things for ian. any prayers would be lovely)