Mar 2, 2011

Sadness doesn't go away


hope deferred makes the heart sick

being married hasn't made me less sad. and i dont think i expected it to. it's actually made me more sad. i remember leading up to our wedding, i felt my sadness changing from an inward "look at everything that happened to my life and to ian's life" to a deeper understanding and feeling of what ian had lost himself. as i grew closer to being his wife, and now after six months as his wife, i still have selfish sadness but i have much more sadness for ian and the life the he lost, the abilities that he lost and the future that he lost. i see much more closely every day how that horrific accident on september 30 changed his life forever. in an instant. i truly can't imagine thirty years of growing sadness, but if we live that long, our sadness will multiply. but so also will our longing for heaven and that is what gives us hope, even if our hearts are sick. i can't wait for ian to get there and i pray that he gets there first. i'm just so glad jesus died for us.

thank you
i&l

(tomorrow we have our first visit with a new doctor in pittsburgh that will hopefully lead to better things for ian. any prayers would be lovely)

13 comments:

abbi said...

Prayers and love.

Audra said...

Praying for the doctor visit.

Lord, bless Ian and Larissa with a very productive doctor visit. Cause the doctor to be wise beyond expectation and to be skilled beyond measure with Your help. Lord, I ask that you heal the sadness in Larissa's heart if only a little bit. I thank you for their openness and honesty through this whole process. Lord, You have blessed them abundantly. Bless them even more with an increased awareness of Your presence each day. Father, we continue to ask for a complete healing. Thank you Lord for Ian and Larissa. Bless them and bless their marriage.

beth said...

i love you.

Melanie said...

I just wanted to let you know that I am praying.
I don't know much about Ian's condition, but I do have a little sister with down syndrome. I find it so unique how God uses those who aren't in perfect health to draw us to Him...
Even in those times when we don't understand, God has a greater purpose.
Ephesians 1:2,
Melanie

K Blue said...

My heart aches for you and Ian. Yet I continue to be inspired by you and amazed by God's work in you and through you. Praying that even in sadness you find a reason to smile each day... and you find joy and peace in the Lord that surpasses all understanding. You are beautiful people.

denise said...

Hey I found this really helpful and I quoted it on my blog; I hope you don't mind. Praying for you x

(http://paper-angels.blogspot.com)

Lauren said...

Cling to truth, every moment, every day...

How very true that hope deferred makes the heart sick... and also so very many other beautiful truths that as well- he turns my mourning into dancing... he shelters us in the shadow of his wings... he gives MORE grace...every single day the fountain does not go dry...

There is hope. And there is happiness in this life as well- praying for God to give you both delight in your hearts, even in the midst of sadness and trials.

Liz said...

I don't know you physically, but I love you both as my brother and sister in the Lord.

My eyes still water when I come here, and I long for the day when Heaven comes for you both and me also....

'...there is a day that all creation's waiting for...'

Come Lord Jesus, quickly...

Liz, UK

Anonymous said...

i just found your blog.
thank you for your humble commitment to the gospel.
your story makes me want to love Jesus more.
praying for you both.

Aaron Grosch said...

If nothing further comes of Ian's condition, which I do pray it does, but if not, you have mt eternal thanks! The weight of your story has blessed em beyond words. God is Good. God is Sovereign. God is Love. And none of these ever are in conflict in Himself.
Blessings dear ones!

Leslie Dawn said...

Larissa, May God help your focus. With our 24 y.o. daughter in a coma, people would have me sad by thinking about the future she would of had. I would be so sad if I heard it all the time & to have people pity you. I pray that God gives you a great sense of just how very blessed you are. And what vast value you both are in God's eyes who looks at the heart & not the outward. My focus is on a grateful heart. Philippians 4:11
"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." You are blessed, to be envied...

Leslie Dawn said...

When I am feeling sorry for myself I listen to Darlene Rose's story just Google: utube Darlene rose
It's amazing how grateful God makes my heart, how hopeful too. I love you Larissa; you are an amazing woman of God, by Grace.. Thank you for letting us in your life(s). PS the story has a big red dot on it on the utube...

Anonymous said...

Dear Larissa,

Thank you for sharing your painful journey with us. Yes, His strength is manifested in our weakness but the pain is undeniable.

We long for heaven even as we pray that His name be glorified in our humble submission to His will.

Don't ever feel bad for wishing for deliverance. Jesus, the eternal Son, poured His heart to the Father and in intense agony wished to have the cup pass away from Him, yet found the strength to pray "not my will but Thine". And so do we, even as we desperately yearn for immediate deliverance we are somehow made willing to do what we could never will ourselves to do - love the will of the Father above our own. In this He is eternally glorified.

Please don't think of the next 30 years. I almost lost my mind as I sank into despair at the prospect of living in this furnace for another 10, 20, 30 years. The truth is He gives grace for today, sometimes one moment at a time.

You are in my prayers. Most importantly, Jesus is praying for you, that your faith fail not.

In the Lamb,

Dulce