"Don't leave me as the older brother, Ian," I remember saying a few days after his accident, when he was dying and I was preparing to say my last goodbye. We were in the intensive care unit in a Pittsburgh hospital, and I thought I was seeing my brother for the last time.
Today, I was thinking about that conversation. Althought I hoped and prayed he would live, I couldn't expect him to. My family and I were ready to accept that Ian's time on earth was through and that we would see him again in heaven.
"I want to understand God's providence, but I can't," a friend told me today. Like him, I don't understand why God works how he does, but I realize that He is always wise and loves us through Christ. If he had chosen to take Ian then, we could still be sure of his loving control. This same truth about God is as true now as it was in the ICU: God loves those who follow him and he is working everything for their good.
Some of the time, we're able to communicate with Ian through asking him questions to which he'll respond "yes" with a long blink. The other night, Ian responded to one of my questions with a deliberate headshake; a definite "no" answer. Pray that God will continue healing Ian, specifically that we'll be able to communicate with each other more often and more effectively.